Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Friday, May 02, 2008

For Myself

I just spent a considerable long period of time, going through the blogs of others. I cannot believe how much I have been missing out in the other aspect of my life. I had been so filled up with work for the past one year that i had failed to keep up with the others.

Although it is true that I’m busy with work but I’m ashamed to say that it is not an excuse for me to turn down gatherings and dates from friends. “I’m busy” seemed to be a very convenient excuse to use when you feel too tired to go out.

After ‘V’, I had made myself promised that I would not take anyone for granted and I would treasure all the time I have with my friends and loved ones. Alas, once again, I fell in the loop of ‘work-resting-work’. I made a wrong call to dump friendship aside to make time for the little rest that I can find. I did not even set aside enough time for my own family members!

What is wrong with me?

Work had occupied 90% of my time, with the remaining 10% spent on sleeping. Most of the time, I’m frustrated and irritable. Everyday, I just don’t seem to sleep enough (and it probably never will when you don’t get more than 4 hours of sleep) and I feel more and more helpless about the current situation.

I hate the coward me who dare not dare to say no to other people. I hate the fact that I have been working and working but yet I’m always been compared to some idiots who main talent is to bootlick. I hate myself even more for when I try to become someone that I’m not.

I cannot and will never be someone who will step on others to get to the high position. I had enough of pretending to be something else.

From now on, I will be myself.

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