It is just a Job.
It is just a job. Is it?
That was what I have been hearing around me. It seemed to be a comfort statement for some of us these days which is pretty much an irony. For in my line, it can never be just a job.
But sometimes I can’t help but feel that it is really just a job. Last week, I did something unbelievable. I gave YY a ‘SOS’ call. I can’t believe it. But the truth is, I pretty much broke down and cried badly as I speak to YY over the phone. I wonder aloud. Where is my pride, my dignity? Have I just become a personal venting machine?
What have I done wrong? I am not aiming for political ambition nor am I interested in a position ‘up there’. All I have wanted to do is to teach. All I have wanted is to follow my students through their final year and send them off to a better future.
I have mellowed and tried so hard to hide under the radar but I was always found. I had tried to change for the sake of pleasing others but I have failed. It just never seemed to be enough for some and to them I just can’t seem to have change enough as well.
I don’t feel like me anymore and I definitely can’t recall the reason why I had joined the service anymore. Is it for them or for the kids? Honestly I do not know now.
Is it just a job? I can’t really answer that question. I wanted to tell myself badly that it is really just a job so that I can just dump all the unhappiness into the dustbin and pretend that I wasn’t affected over the weekend. But then again, if it is just a job, the old me (which everyone who knows me will say) would never have taken that kind of treatment.
Maybe I have become weak because of reality.
Maybe I just need to stand up for myself.
I just wonder, where is my limit and when will I snap?
Sometimes, enough is just enough. After all, it may be just a job.
That was what I have been hearing around me. It seemed to be a comfort statement for some of us these days which is pretty much an irony. For in my line, it can never be just a job.
But sometimes I can’t help but feel that it is really just a job. Last week, I did something unbelievable. I gave YY a ‘SOS’ call. I can’t believe it. But the truth is, I pretty much broke down and cried badly as I speak to YY over the phone. I wonder aloud. Where is my pride, my dignity? Have I just become a personal venting machine?
What have I done wrong? I am not aiming for political ambition nor am I interested in a position ‘up there’. All I have wanted to do is to teach. All I have wanted is to follow my students through their final year and send them off to a better future.
I have mellowed and tried so hard to hide under the radar but I was always found. I had tried to change for the sake of pleasing others but I have failed. It just never seemed to be enough for some and to them I just can’t seem to have change enough as well.
I don’t feel like me anymore and I definitely can’t recall the reason why I had joined the service anymore. Is it for them or for the kids? Honestly I do not know now.
Is it just a job? I can’t really answer that question. I wanted to tell myself badly that it is really just a job so that I can just dump all the unhappiness into the dustbin and pretend that I wasn’t affected over the weekend. But then again, if it is just a job, the old me (which everyone who knows me will say) would never have taken that kind of treatment.
Maybe I have become weak because of reality.
Maybe I just need to stand up for myself.
I just wonder, where is my limit and when will I snap?
Sometimes, enough is just enough. After all, it may be just a job.
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