Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I Not Stupid!

I received news today that the Big Boss had given order that she does not want me to follow up with my Secondary 3 class as the form teacher. She does not even want me to teach them at all, claiming that since I’ll not be the form teacher, I should not be teaching them at all.

I felt insulted. Deeply. The teacher that she had appointed to replace me as the form teacher belongs in the same batch as me. If I was replaced because she feels that a more experience teacher will benefit the kids more, I would agree with her. But to be replaced by a teacher who had the same experience as you, I felt like I’ve been told that I’m not good enough for the kids.

I have been teaching this bunch of kids for 3 years now. I have known them since they step into the school. I have built a strong rapport with them and we had both known each other very well. So I’m really puzzled why the other teacher would be better than me. Considering the fact that she had only known them for 6 months, wouldn’t I be in a better position to be the form teacher?

I cannot help but wonder if it was some form of vendetta. A way to get back at me, for not being the obedient teacher that she is looking for. For how much longer, do I have to be put down?

I have been told earlier this year that I’m not good enough to teach the pure class because I do not have an honours degree in my name. Of course, that wasn’t the exact words. It was sugar-coated with statements like ‘We feel that you are lacking in the knowledge that others have..’ etc. I have suffered a really low self-esteem after, thinking and feeling that I’m lousy and stupid because I do not have an honours degree. I have tried to work hard. But at the end of the day, I feel like I’m working to make that someone like me because of her preferences which I can never win because I’m not of the opposite gender.

I have gotten over that and I refused to be put down again. I have work very hard and maybe more hardworking than some of her pets. I do not believe that the teacher appointed replace me is better than me. She may be interviewed by the Big Boss and get transferred here but that does not mean she is better than me. This is nothing personal against the other teacher and I believe she is a good teacher. I just believe that I’m not lousier than her. At the very least, I know I have a good relationships with my kids and I know I’m gonna miss them.

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