Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Thursday, March 31, 2005

A stupid, freaking lousy day ever!

It is really irritating that blogger was down for the whole of last night! I was about to blog about my lousy when i realised that i can't cos the server is down for god sake! It is so frustrating..

I had my first CPA obsrvation by CT yesterday, and let me tell you, it went horribly wrong. The class is so f***ing noisy even when there are 4 teachers inside! They have no souls at all. They are proud to be the naughty and worse class in school. One of my CPA cp-teachers tried to console me by saying it is not so bad but i know it is pretty bad. My CT told the other teachers that he won't fail me for that observation but i know i dun deserve to pass. That class really makes me feel so down that i felt like a failure for not able to manage them. And my whole is simple destroyed by them.

When i went back to the staff room after my observation, i felt like crying. Really felt like crying. It is so horrible. Then there is this smart alec who came to tell me that 'Oh.. 2G? They are not so bad lah.. You can be more fierce and stricter lor'. Crap! Don't you just hate people who talks when they know nothing? Dun you just hate people who try to make situation seem very easy. I was so damn pissed! Who the hell do that person think he is! Does he teach 2G? No, he doesn't! If he dun, he doesn't has the right to tell me on how to manage them! How does he know i have not been strict with them. Those who had seen me taught before will tell you that i'm very strict and firece with my students! But that class simple see me as another relief teacher and brush me off. He keep saying i have power.. Yeah, what power? I can detain the students myself but they are so immune to it that they dun deemed it as a punishment anymore! I tried giving them offence forms, and i was told by the DM that it is not necessary as the class is like that and it won't be good as it will be in their record if i issue them. So what the f****! What can i do! He hasn't even try the power of that class. Yes, he may have relief them before but teaching them and reliefing is such a different issue! Maybe he dun mean it but to me, it sounds like a put down. It sounds like he is trying to tell me that my classroom management skill sucks. If he thinks he is so bloody good, go and teach that class! If he can control them as easy as he puts it, then i will bow to him, if not shut his big mouth up!

I'm sorry for my language but i'm just so damn pissed and frustrated. I have not slept more than 3 hrs for each day and it just seems never ending.. And i just hate it when i had spent so much time preparing for the class and they simple brush it off.

God! How i wish i have the power to shut them up...

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