Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Friday, May 27, 2005

Is it me?

It has been one hell of a long and crazy day for me. I got my June holiday schedule today and i have to report back to school for 3 weeks of the holidays (almost everyday!). This is kinda depressing especially when you are only a beginning teacher. It has been 3 days and i still cannot get used to the school system, prehaps i never will. It is pretty true that new teachers get bullied (especially in my school) and the 5 of us are hoping that more teachers will be posted in but the chances are quite small.

The morning started off with one of the senior teachers requesting a short meeting with the new teachers asking us to be involved in the parents-teachers meeting. That's not the worst, the whole event ends at 9pm! I politely told the VP that i could stay till 6pm for the event but i cannot attend the seminar. He sort of asked me to just cancel what appointment i have at night (aren't that supposed to be my personal time?) and attend the stupid seminar which is on effective parenting styles?!?! I didn't give up and went to speak to the principal instead. To my surprise, she let me off readily.. Well, now if this is my responsibility i would stay there but since i have not taught any of the class, what is the point of me staying there? And from what i know, they only request the new teachers to attend the seminar while the rest of the staffs are excused.

It sucks to have this kinda feelings where i've only being in the school for 3 days and it already seemed like 3 years.. It sucks even more when most people in the school are so damn stuck-up! What is their problem??? I guess we only have the 5 of us to talk to for the next 2 years...

Lindy wasn't exactly nice today. Was a bit stressed out during the lesson. It was not easy for me to be able to attend this lesson (read the above story) so when things happened, it really get to me. Plus, i always come to Lindy to destress! Ok, i think i was pretty lousy at Lindy today (yeah, i know i'm bad but today i'm like super loser!) and i get pretty tense up especially when i was dancing with Marcus (cos he will scold me!!). Anyway, he was pretty harsh on me today
=~( and a certain statement that he made kinda hurt my pride and my character.I felt that it was pretty nasty of him to say that but then again it could be like what Yeing Yeing says, he really didn't mean it. However his statement and what later happened at the Swing Fling prompted me to do a lot of thinking. I wonder how do the guys actually see me?

Do i give people the impression that i'm very liberate? Or have i been too fun loving in my actions which results in all these problems? If you ask me, i won't know too for i have been behaving this way since i could walk. So it would be helpful if you guys could provide me with some comments.. Pretty please?

P/S: KJ! You embarrased me tonight at the dance floor!

8 Wishes granted:

  • At 1:26 PM, Blogger Ms Ang said…

    Sowwie to disappoint u, if u are really looking for a GUY's opinion. Aniwae, jus wanna tell u that such thingies happen during Lindy. Dun take the comments to heart, esp if they are not constructive. I think you are really bothered by whatever is going on in your school. They had prob affected your performance during Lindy. Stay cheerful, gal! I seriously think that you are doing fine (as a friend). I see u as a nice, responsible and ambitious lady. Sometimes, it is better to know what you really wish yourself to be, and not get affected by how others think of u. *Hugs*

  • At 1:27 PM, Blogger Ra said…

    Honestly huh.. erm...

    Remember what you told me about the things your "enemy" in JC said about you. Basically, the same image is projected because as you state plainly, you still behave in the same way.

    But as you clarified, that is your nature and highly unlikely for you to change. Besides, it is not really a major flaw in your character, it is just a matter of perceptions.

    In a nutshell, yes. You do protray a liberal front. But that is only a thin outer shell and can be easily identified by people who bothers to find out more about you.

    In fact, I think I will have difficulty finding someone more conservative than you based on our conversation on "virginity" over msn last year and some of the answers to yy's question when we went over to Johor.

    Keep your stance and keep be too bothered with it. It IS you, BUT, there is nothing wrong with being you.


  • At 3:06 PM, Blogger KJ said…

    Guilty as charged! Yes, of course, I meant to embarass you :) Why else would I do what I did? But it wasn't a bad embarassment right? haha... At least you had some fun out of it :)

    But let's see... how shall I put it... Lemme tackle it bit by bit.

    As to what Marcus said, remember, I've said it before, when we were lindy-hopping in the rain that day? Marcus said what he did to protect you in the future. There will come a time when you dance with someone who isn't very professional, so as a girl, you need to defend yourself. That kind of comment won't come from a girl, simply because most leads are guys. Don't be angry with what he, or anyone of us says, based solely on the fact that it's not something nice to your ears. Sometimes, the best medicine is very bitter.

    As for being liberal... HUH? I don't get that image from you, but I get the husband-beater image (and apparently the treatment) from you (which is why I swung you around, because it's not right for a guy to hit a girl, but swinging on the other hand, nyack nyack nyack).

    But seriously though, I trust that the HB image is also not the kind of image you wish to project (hint hint: stop beating us. We can't beat you, but that doesn't mean we like it).

    But perhaps, maybe I could ask, exactly what kind of image would you like to project?

    Oh yeah, one other thing about what you blogged. I think Lindy's a great way to destress, and I look forward to it too every week! But how much can one destress if he or she allows the stressor to continue bugging him/her? It's just like being a teacher I guess. Even if one class irritates me, I have to be professional about it and not make the next class bear the brunt of my irritation. When I come to Lindy, I just let go of everything else. You should try it too! It's very liberating! :)

  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger ~Cindirella~ said…

    Hey KJ!

    Don't make it sound as if i'm angry cos Marcus make some comments on my mistakes. I'm prefectly fine with that. It is just the additional statement that he made (totally not relating to Lindy at all) that is hurting me. But lets not go into that area again. It's over and don't worry, i don't carry things like that forward to the next lesson.

    and Raymond,

    Let's not repeat what we have all said at JB last year.. It is just embarrasing to think of it. Why did we ever even go into those qns????

    and Qing,

    Of course, i'm not disappointed! Girls' opinions are equally important. Glad to have you comment on it =)

  • At 12:46 AM, Blogger JOEL said…

    Let me juz share a penny of my thoughts here with all of u, especially cindy.
    1st- work is always stress and it depend on hw u trackled it. I'd facing the same problem especially when I'm three days old in my job onli.
    2nd- Dancing!! it's not only u who is stressed as i'd feel more n more stressed nowadays compared to when i juz started learning. i can blame it on the dance steps, music and many other things. BUT i realized one MOst IMPT thing is dun be bothered by the comments n hw people will look at me/u. we shld enjoy ourselves when dancing instead of stressed. if nt, lindy will lose it purpose rite.
    3rd- my impression of u is tat u seem to cover the gentle side of u with a strong cover.wink!! i may be wrong. Neverthless u are a nice person to having around as there will always be flying kicks and punches going ard. u shld know y?
    Last but nt least, juz wanna bless u in everything u do and may ur relationship with the people in ur sch improve.

  • At 12:50 AM, Blogger peccavi said…

    Liberal? Like Ray said, at first glance maybe? It seems there's some hidden assumption that fun-loving and pretty girls are liberal.

    Marcus might not have meant it... Really. What KJ said about protecting you is nice though... As for swinging her around, KJ! So unexpected!

    Cindy, don't take things to heart!

  • At 7:14 PM, Blogger KJ said…

    Hehe... if it was expected, it wouldn't be fun anymore right? Hee.

  • At 11:16 PM, Blogger ~Cindirella~ said…



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