Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Office politics

I have been feeling very low recently.

I know some feel that the salsa incident is a small thing but it is how one treat me that makes me feel uncomfortable about it. When i feel uncomfortable about something, i tend to run away from it.

There are too many politics in the school. I have never been one who is able to play with office polities and i hate it. Can't one just do its duty and be rewarded according to capablilty?

I never know why she doesn't like me but she isn't abit subtle about showing her dislikeness to me. She (let's call her M) can speak to everyone nicely but she cannot even speak to me without showing me her black face. I spoke to someone about this and they say she is just like that. Really? I seriously doubt so. I tried be nice to her, greeting her during morning and make conversation. But everytime, i was rewarded with more unpleasant behaviour. So i gave up. Why should i try so hard to please someone who don't even deserve it. But it is very difficult to ignore someone whom you has to work side by side with. It doesn't make things better when the main teacher-in-charge practise favourism. Ok, so she has to study but i have my fair load of work to do too. We are both getting full pay aren't we? It is even more irritating when these work came at the last minute and i'm expected to put everything down to complete it. Failure will bring about a round of scolding from the main teacher-in-charge. I felt like screaming her and tell her that it is my responsibilty to begin with and i'm getting reprimended because someone else cannot do it? A typical example would begin with the main teacher-in-charge coming over to my desk, drops me the work and demand that i do it now and pass it back to her immediately. There was once she wants me to get some form sign by a HOD for both the CCA (including M's share, of course) and she wants me to go get it sign immediately. This is a very unreasonable request. 1st, i'm doing my work and she just walk over and expects me to drop everything. I'm not exactly not having anything to do. 2nd, it is not easy to get the HOD after school cos sometime they left the school for official business. I was made to run around the whole school hunting for him because she cannot give it to me early. If i don't manage to get these form signed, it would be another round of hostile behaviour from the main teacher-in-charge. The worst part was that she actually bad-mouthed me to the students, stating that im irrespnsible, uncapable and simply unable to do anything right. WHAT?! How can i do thing right when it was only just given to me without much instructions? What am i supposed to be? Superwoman? If i'm one, i would be the first to give her a slap and still gets away with it.

When she has a meeting, i'm the 1st one to reach while the rest had forgotten abt it and guess what? I got scolded cos the rest forgot to come and i happen to be there. My fault? I told her that she had informed the rest for the wrong day for the rehearsal and guess what? I was scolded again. For what? I really don't why this is my fault. She got me so pissed that i refused to do more than my duty for the CCA. Why should i anyway when in the end i got blame for everything.

M, upon gaining support from the main teacher-in-charge, becomes worse. She would not even come to me and request my help. She would simple dump it on my desk or pass it to the teacher-in-charge who will pass it to me. What is her problem as well? Do i have the word "assistant' craved on my forehead? She may be a nice person to some people but she is b**** to me and one with capital B.

It is these incidents that caused me to have a breakdown in the staffroom, not long ago. I simply cannot take it anymore. Why do i have to bear with all the hostile treatments? Why did i do wrong? I can touch my heart and say proudly that i have NEVER even screw up any of her project if i was given reasonable time for it. Now, i'm just trying to stay as far away from her as possible. She can go take it out on her favourite. As for M, she will soon realise that i can be a bigger b**** than she can ever image.

When i was trying to recover from all these, the salsa incident happens which brings my mood even lower and honestly i don't think i would want to talk to Guy A anytime soon.

When i thought may be the worst is over, another has to come to remind me that it is not over.

Every teacher is expected to submit suggestions which we call it as EWSS. During conversation, i spoke to a few colleagues about the suggestions that i have and which i wanna submit. But i did not manage to do so cos i don't even have proper resting time whenever i'm sitting in fornt of my desk. Colleague S, whom i'm pretty close with, asked me how to submit a suggestion to EWSS and i taught her. Later i asked her what kind of suggestions had she make. She replied that she suggested this and that. And it shocked me. Half of the suggestions that she had made, is mine. The very suggestions that i have told her about. I remain quiet as i do not know how to react. Should i confront her and ask her if she did it purposely or she really had forgotten that i was the one who told her about what i wanna suggest? In the end, i decided to let it go. As hurt as i felt, i really treasured her friendship. She had done really nice gestures for me and i really appreciate it a lot. As much as i wanna forget about this incident, i don't think i will be able to speak freely in her prescence as i used to.


Is there more coming for me?

2 Wishes granted:

  • At 8:38 AM, Blogger peccavi said…

    Take care... It sounds like a tough situation...


  • At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hmm.. I can understand how you feel though my case is not as serious as yours. I guess what we can do is dont take it too hard and laugh it off. Because the more you bother about it, the more unhappy you will be. You still have another at least 1 1/2 years there before you can apply to change school.

    Office politics do happen. Jus have to be careful and do not trust anyone too easily. I'm learning too.. =)

    Hopefully you will cheer up soon and be the cheerful cindy I ever know! =)


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