Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Monday, March 06, 2006

What am i doing?

The weekend has gone by in a flash again...

I have been wondering for the past few weeks on what i have been doing exactly? Every weekend, i'm torn between taking a rest or doing my work.

I hate myself when i'm not fully prepared for my lesson. I hate myself even more when i think that my lessons are so boring.. I kept asking myself, can i do better than this? Why are there people who is able to go home early everyday and yet even though i'm staying till 6 plus daily, i'm still struggling to finish my stuffs? Am i being to inefficient? Or had i failed as a teacher?

I have learned to say no to a lot of things now. I'd finally admit to myself that i'm overloading myself with too much extra stuffs that i really do not need to take up on. Why is it so difficult to say no? Is it because that i cared too much for that promotion? I think i have stand up for myself in the wrong way and i really need to learn to speak smarter. But some people are just sooooooo irritating. I can't wait for them to get transfer out. Go away, go far far away.

The soul searching journey has been making me more and more depressed by the day. It is even worse when i came out from my sec 4 class. I cannot help but questioned myself.. Do they only behaving so badly in my lesson or it is just the class? How? What methods or what other things can i do for my students? How do they see me? I think i'm thinking too much again..

Sigh.. I need to go and check if i'd prepared everything...

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