Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Post National Day Thoughts

Disclaimers: This post was supposed to be up on the 10th but blogger is down. Due to sheer laziness and technical faults, this post was only posted now.

Post National Day.

One of the perks of my job is that i get to enjoy today as a holiday while the rest had to go to work.

Suzie organised a KTV session with 5 ppl turning up. Honestly, it was awkward for me to be there with the two other couple. YY, how i miss you!!!!

Salsa was tiring but fun. I'd a good time laughing at myself. However, it doesn’t seem to be the same anymore after Kirk has left. Maybe it is because I no longer had a fixed partner for dance and it is kinda strange. (you heard that Kirk? When are we coming out to dance?)

YY and i have a date tomorrow to have some workout session. I tried to persuade Suzie to join us as well but failed. It can really be a joy to literally sweat out all your frustration.

Today at the KTV, i asked J why he is not continuing his blog. He said that he doesn’t the time to blog and if he does, it will all be about complains of school and he doesn't want that. That sets me thinking. Ever since i have started in my current career, my blog had been degraded to my ranting ground. Maybe i should close it down like what J has does. But i have too much feeling for this little space of mine to give it up.

Work is frustrating as usually and having people who encouraging this thinking are unhealthy. I dread a little to go onto MSN sometimes, for i know there will be a few ppl who kept asking me the same qns.

"Are you gonna leave after 3 years?"

Time and time, i answered that i do not know and i do not wish to plan so early. I wanna just flow and see what is in store for me. I can understand that you faced the same frustration as well but bombarding me with the same qns again and again, is not gonna help you to make up your decision.

Q asked me some time back at a gathering if i would give up my career to be a mom and i said yes. I remember E replied that he was surprised to hear this as he had always thought that i was pretty career-minded.

I was or rather i still am. But I’m just losing steam in my current area.

I spent the first 6 months of this year, working hard and feeling frustrated when i realised that hard work is not gonna get me the promotion that I’d wanted so badly. Most of all, it made me realised a sad truth. I can work like i did, spending more than 12 hours in school and continue to work at home till late night. I can give up my social life and dedicate myself to work. But at the end of the day, when i reached home and all i can find are 4 cold walls, without anyone to ask me how is my day. I do not wish to be like some of my colleagues, i want to have a family.

Or maybe I’m just tired of the politics in my workplace. The kind of things I had to pretend to do, even if i do not believe in it. I was never good in curry favoring people. Until now, i couldn't believe that i had worked my ass off, only to find that it is not enough. Friends asked me not to request for too much, then the disappointment wouldn't be too great. I tried. In fact, as the new semester came, I’d given up on trying climbing in my job. But i faced a new frustration. Without the motivation that i had at the beginning of the year, i find no joy in working. I stopped volunteering for a lot of things which I know would only be taken for granted. I stopped having a reason to go to school. I'm at lost now. I do not know what i should do. To be the person to go forward in work but to be hit again and again by the harsh reality or be the person that I’m now, with no disappointment but no motivation to work? Why can't my working life be simpler? Why must I always be posted to such place? I do not wish to wake up one day and realised that I, too had put on a mask.

To anyone who has something negative to say about this post, hold it because I do not need it.

New update:

I disliked this kind of working culture. There can be 10 things assigned to me and I only need to screw up one to bring about another round of scolding.

Tell me, who can do every single task to perfectness? I admit I can’t but I tried my very best in work and I can say 9 out of 10 are quality work. There will always be this one last task left which I overlooked or made a mistake in some areas and that is all it needs.

People would just bite onto this one task which is not perfectly done and reprimanded me on it. I’m not looking for praises but hey, at least do not scold me like I’m a student k?

I have enough of people ranting at me because you are stressed. So? Is it because I’m young and inexperienced and therefore I should be treated like that?

I hate the so-called senior people who treat others like dogs. Screw them all.

0 Wishes granted:

Post a Comment

<< Home