This and That

The previous blog entry seemed to have spark some concerns from a few people. Thank you for all the positive advice but i'm fine now. I mean i'm still pretty upset with the arrangement and stuffs but i will respect the decision of the management.

I managed to speak a little to my head with regards to the arrangement for the next and the following points were brought up as a justification to why i should not have that class.

1. Not willing to help students.
2. Does not meet deadlines.

I asked the head for specific explanation or example to the above and he quoted the below.

Firstly, he deemed that i'm not willing to help students because i did not go for Night Study often (deemed by the head). The head then further mentioned that he did not see me with the students for consultation. I replied that i did my fair share as required by all educator in the school and i have my own other ways of helping students. It doesn't have to be the night study. It thus not mean my kids benefit if i appeared for all the sessions. Why is it an issue with me when the senior educator had not even go for one session? It was ok for them to not appear because they are senior and they are not judge by that? But it is not ok for younger teacher like me to do the number of sessions as required? Plus, what nonsense is it to say that i did not help consulting the kids. I have been conducting remedials and consultations. The only thing that i did not do is to do it in the big open area where we can be seemed by the management. My kids and i have our own little cozy area which we like because it is quiet (unlike the open area). Now what is wrong with that?

Secondly, i think it is a BIG insult to say that i do not meet deadlines. I have always and have been meeting deadlines. I have NEVER submitted my papers late even when my dad was in ICU. I pride myself for always submitting work on time. So i asked the head where did the statement come from and he replied that it came from another senior educator who had not been working with me for the whole year!

Honestly, i felt that as a head, he shouldn't be basing his assessment of me because other people's words. How can he ask opinion of me from people who had not been working with me? Quoting him, he has not been forecoming in getting to know what his subodinates are doing.

To be fair, he mentioned a few other weakness and i will work on that. But I'm extremely unhappy about the two points that he had made and i don't think that it is fair to me. I'm going to justify that with evidence when we meet for a proper work review.

I Not Stupid!

I received news today that the Big Boss had given order that she does not want me to follow up with my Secondary 3 class as the form teacher. She does not even want me to teach them at all, claiming that since I’ll not be the form teacher, I should not be teaching them at all.

I felt insulted. Deeply. The teacher that she had appointed to replace me as the form teacher belongs in the same batch as me. If I was replaced because she feels that a more experience teacher will benefit the kids more, I would agree with her. But to be replaced by a teacher who had the same experience as you, I felt like I’ve been told that I’m not good enough for the kids.

I have been teaching this bunch of kids for 3 years now. I have known them since they step into the school. I have built a strong rapport with them and we had both known each other very well. So I’m really puzzled why the other teacher would be better than me. Considering the fact that she had only known them for 6 months, wouldn’t I be in a better position to be the form teacher?

I cannot help but wonder if it was some form of vendetta. A way to get back at me, for not being the obedient teacher that she is looking for. For how much longer, do I have to be put down?

I have been told earlier this year that I’m not good enough to teach the pure class because I do not have an honours degree in my name. Of course, that wasn’t the exact words. It was sugar-coated with statements like ‘We feel that you are lacking in the knowledge that others have..’ etc. I have suffered a really low self-esteem after, thinking and feeling that I’m lousy and stupid because I do not have an honours degree. I have tried to work hard. But at the end of the day, I feel like I’m working to make that someone like me because of her preferences which I can never win because I’m not of the opposite gender.

I have gotten over that and I refused to be put down again. I have work very hard and maybe more hardworking than some of her pets. I do not believe that the teacher appointed replace me is better than me. She may be interviewed by the Big Boss and get transferred here but that does not mean she is better than me. This is nothing personal against the other teacher and I believe she is a good teacher. I just believe that I’m not lousier than her. At the very least, I know I have a good relationships with my kids and I know I’m gonna miss them.