I have a big headache, literally

My headache has been bugging me. It is not like one of those 'I did not sleep enough' kind of headache. It was more like those ripping kind of headache where you feel like ripping your hair off. I thought i was suffering from something but the doctor attributed it to being too stressed at work. He offered some advice to me; Stop being stressed or be above the stress such that it don't affect you.

I guess i did not manage to achieve neither of it, for my headache had gotten worst this week. The headache seemed to have anplified every little thing that goes wrong. It is just frustrating and that is definitely not helping my headache.

Maybe that is one of the reason why I totally lost my cool when the in-charge told me that the inconvenient person had requested for me to take over her for duties for today AGAIN. I forgot what i did but i think i swear out loudly when i heard the news. I was too mad to remain calm and composed. Honestly, if she is still around when i had gotten the news, i would have gone up to her right away. I'm just too tired to think about social grace. I really wanted to curse her with all my vulgarities. Sleeping for only 2-3 hours per day have been stretching my limit. I think she don't understand. I'm not tired, i'm really TIRED. I could fall asleep practically everywhere. The worst part of it is that i can't seem to finish the work after sleeping so little. So it makes me insane when i think about the fact that i'm slogging at work in her place while she is at home resting.

I really want a good rest, a good sleep. And i really feel like slapping her.

Colleague E told me that she overheard her telling the others that she is very tired on a particular duty day. As normal, the rest asked her not to stretch herself and to go back to rest if she is really not well. But like what colleague E had said to me, it is really weird that she only feels unwell on days that she had to stay behind. It must be some allergies to working late that she is totally fine on other days but very ill on duties days.

Oh mine, blessed her.

Someone please give her a trophy for her acting skills. Maybe she is really unwell or maybe she is acting. I honestly do not care about that anymore. Everything that she does now just seem fake to me. I have never been pregnant so i do not know how tough it is. I just find it funny that she is acting like she is nine months due when she is not even in her second trimester. I do not know that it is tough to walk with her 3-4 months pregnant belly that she can barely do work.

I know i'm being bitchy but i really do not care. I'm just beyond that the fact that she is pregnant and how she thinks she need delicate care and concerns.

I think i'm just going to confront her about this long overdue issues of her unprofessionalism.

P/S: Thank you Q for accepting me for who i am and for encouraging me despite all my rantings =)

Warning: Super bitchy post ahead. Do not read if you don’t like it.

Sometimes, people never crease to wonder me. That is especially with the different kinds of excuses that one can come up to get out of situations. I don’t buy any of these craps for I believe in one thing; you have chosen it so live it responsibly.

I do not know about others but I sure have my fair share of working with people who seemed to think that others should help them with their work for they are being inconvenient. It always starts with the ‘I need a favour…’ tone and then further escalates to the ‘you are obliged to help me’ mentality. It gets so frustrated when you actually get blamed or reprimanded for not producing the best piece of work by the person that you are helping out of generosity. I have definitely tamed down a lot for the past me would simply asked the person to screw off and proceed to give the person a big piece of my mind. Sadly, the present me had degraded to bitching about it online.

I don’t really wish to blog about this post but sometimes enough is enough. I can understand that pregnancy do bring about a lot of inconvenient but that cannot be an excuse for everything. Let’s be fair. All of us had have a long weekend and we are ALL tired. So imagine how it feels when it is supposed to be your off day and you are so looking forward to a good rest when suddenly you are being thrown to replace certain people because they can’t make it.

Once is fine with me.

Twice is still bearable. But how many times does it take to cross the line?

We have to work around one person’s schedule simply because that person cannot make it. What about us? What about our needs? We may not be pregnant but hey we do have things that we really wanna do as well. The worst is after all the accommodating and taking on more days, we still have to bear with the so called ‘unexpected’ situations which simply mean more work for us. No ‘Thank you’ was mentioned. Everything seemed to be obligated and that everyone has to put their priorities aside for one person. And for what reason? For reasons like being pregnant (the bitchy me really feels like asking the person so what if you are pregnant!) and family issues.

Hey! Everyone has issues OK? I do not want to compare but I have my share of family issues to handle and despite all that, I submit my work on time and I go for my duties! Is my family issue not as urgent as that person? I beg to differ. I remember sitting outside the ICU, crying and setting papers at the same time. Have you ever try that before? I remember wishing that I have more time to accompany him when he was in hospital. Still, did I ever ask anyone to take over my duties or push it to anyone? Nope, never. So why are you so special?

If you want time to take care of people, I have an advice for you.

TAKE NO PAY LEAVE!

There is no such things as wanting $$ and time for family. If you had taken no pay leave, I would gladly shut my mouth up and take over your duties. If you do not want to do so, you have indirectly telling everyone that you can cope so stop pushing the duties to us. I work hard for my $$ too and why should I work for your $$ as well? Have you ever thought that while you are using our time to stay home, you have ripped our time with our family? Hey, I wish to stay home and take care of him ok?

I do not care about those people around you and what they think about us. They can say for all they want to, on how we are insensitive and cold for complaining about helping. If they have not been in our position and do your duties, I would not hesitate to ask them to shut up. I would not hesitate to ask them to stop pretending to be noble and start using actions to help as well. My theory is simple. If you are as noble as you claim, then do something and not to sit there and judged people.

I’m just sick of people coming up to me early in the morning telling me that I have to cover your duties again or how the others are unhappy that they have to help to prepare your work.

The next time it happens, I will not bitch about it here. I will just go straight to the management for a solution.

p/s: I’m simply too angry to be civilized in this blog. Especially after I heard the part on how the in-charge had told her that she could ignore all duties after hours to go back to her family and to rest for being pregnant. I’m mad because when the management gave me the go ahead to skip meetings and duties for 2 weeks to be at the hospital, the in-charge had asked another colleague to come to me and say that they would start counting the number of times that each of us is on duties and subtly hint that they will mark me down. I have nothing to say then for I did miss 2 weeks of duties. But if she really gets special permission to be offloaded, I definitely would not tolerate it and I’m not afraid of confrontation. After all being in the same department is not an excuse!

An Adventurous Day

My big adventurous day started with a simple date for dinner. After much nagging, KJ finally stopped rejecting me for dinner date and we even managed to get YY out of her work schedule.

It all started with a suggestion to meet up at Hortpark for dinner, which was actually a good suggestion (although I have never been there before!). That is until we came to realize that the restaurant that we had wanted to dine at isn’t open for business on Monday. It was no big deal actually since we have rearranged to meet up at Vivocity instead.

However, the silly old me have to take the wrong path out of the Hortpark and that started a big adventurous. I sincerely thought that I will be doing a small round turn but that was a big mistake. Instead of finding myself a way of the park, I ended up in a maze. A scary maze actually, with no lamp post meaning a very dark road. Imagine driving in an area where you can only see the road where your headlights are shining. To make matter worse, I kept driving past scary, empty houses with no other human in sight. I was beginning to wonder if I’ve been cast as the main lead in a scary movie. In fact, I was so terrified by my own imagination that I proceed to switch off the radio, in case some funny voices came out of it. The adventure went on and on until I finally come to a dead end. Right in front of me is a big iron gate where a big mansion is in sight. Just like the movies, the mansion was dead empty. I kept looking at it, wondering if someone is going come out and chase after me with a chainsaw. Eventually, I decided to take a risk and do a three-point turn. It was very scary as I’m constantly afraid of my car dropping down into the forest which is on my right side. Luckily for me, I managed to pass through safely. As I drove on, thinking that I might be lost forever, I suddenly saw another headlight proceeding towards me. It was a taxi! Imagine my joy. I followed the taxi without thinking and finally got myself out of the maze. I was a little shaken but I refused to admit it.

After many obstacles, I finally reached Vivocity.

I was so glad to see YY and KJ. I was so tickled by KJ’s Clark Kent hairstyle that I had totally forgotten about being lost. The dinner was enjoyable. There was a lot to catch up with the both of them and I finally got to admire YY’s beautiful bag and the very expensive bag charm. It was a good feeling to be meeting up with old friends. We should definitely do more of this.

Not that convenient after all...

It is weird how things never really go the way that you want them.

I have been yearning for my license for the longest time for I thought that a car would make my life more convenient. While it did improve my life in certain aspect, it did bring about some problems as well.

Although the rising oil prices do burn my pocket quite a little, it is not as troublesome as the parking problems. Imagine how troublesome it is to have to constantly going down to rip parking coupons from time to time. Don’t even try to remind me about season parking. I have tried getting one but apparently those that are allocated to my area are completely full. Talk about being unlucky. That is not to mention the parking fines that I have being receiving.

I imagine being able to sleep a bit late for work since the car will help to shorten the journey. But instead I found myself waking up earlier than I usually did when I did not have the car and constantly worrying about being late to pick a colleague up. Don’t get me wrong. I do not mind picking the colleague up for work for it is in the same way. But I do wonder why I’m not getting more sleep in the morning since I can leave the house later? It is kind of uncomfortable that others are setting time for me to leave the house.

There are times when I am really tired but yet have to send others home first which ultimately leads to reaching home later than if I were to take a cab. I do not mind doing that for my close friends and family but there will always be some who feels that since you own a car, you must be their driver. I honestly hate it when people came up to me and say things like “You have started to drive right? Send me to XXX.” or “I want to go to this place.” The irony is that they are not even that close to me in the first place. Now they are acting like we are old pals because I have something that they had wanted. My car. It was not a requested, it felt like a command. I hate myself for not being able to stand up to them and tell them to go away because I do not want to destroy the harmony in the workplace. I hate myself for being such a coward that even though I feel the resent and yet all I could do is to blog about it here.

I imagine being free when I have a car since I will be able to go to wherever I want to. Instead, I constantly find myself worrying about getting lost. I’m not as free as I hope I can be. Why could it be as simple as taking the MRT where I will know which stop to get off? There is the issue of finding a parking space too. Where will be a better and cheaper place to park is constantly on my mind when I go out.

I really wonder why I even bother about keeping the car. I really feel like giving it up and regain all the freedom that I used to enjoy when it hasn’t come into the picture yet.