I'm Bored...

Yes, i'm. I'm so bored with my current life.

A colleague commented today that we talked about nothing except on our students and the school! Gosh... It's so freaking true. We spent our lunch time talking about students and we spent our free periods talking about the school management. Do we ever talk about any other things?

I felt so deprived. Deprived of KTV session with my friends, deprived of going mambo-ing. Arrgh.. I wanted so much to just go clubbing like last time. But now, most of the time, i'm simple too tired to have the energy to dance like crazy. Everyday i just wanna get home so that i can do my work and sleep so that i can go to school with sufficient energy to deal with the bunch of kids. I felt like a nanny. A young one that is. Haha..

Frankly, i dunno if i'm happy or sad that YY decides not to go clubbing tomorrow. Felt slightly relieved cos i may not have the energy to go. But at the same time, a little voice is nagging inside me that i wanna a night out and i need it. Does any of you ever had this kinda situation where you both wanted and unwanted something?

I envy the rest that they have such fun-loving colleagues. I mean they took dance course, go to clubs. What about mine? Well, let's just say that going to a movie is pretty exciting to them. In fact, it may be the most exciting thing to them. So when a younger teacher (for eg, me) takes dance classes, go to KTV, hang out with friends, i'm like the 'un-teacher'(is there such a word?). Because you see, teachers aren't supposed to be leading exciting life. They are only supposed to mark books, stay late in school, busy setting papers and then go home and sleep.

"You must be very free. How i envy BT. They have so much free time that they can do all these stuffs."

No dear, i'm not VERY FREE. I just happen not to stay behind in school and tell all the others around me how my students behaves. I just happen to use these time to do my work and then try to go home early so that i can have a life.

"It's good to be young like you. Having no responsiblities."

Oh yes. I'm so young and you are so old. How much older are you again? A year? That is really so much older man! Better start planning for retirement! Oh ya, i have no responsibilities because i din like to mention all the time what i've to be committed to.

"You know, young teachers nowadays just doesn't behaves like teachers anymore. The way they dress is so.. unspeakable"

Oh yeah. Of course they don't. Who will wear nice nice to school. I mean teachers are supposed to wear dull-looking, mono-colour clothes, preferably mismatching, right? Is that the school code? Hmmm.. Oh dear, i need a new closet of clothes. Btw, did i mention that i did drugs too?

Excuse me if the above passage is too much for you. You see, that is what 'un-teacher' do. They blog about their lifes. If you have a problem with the way i lead my life, maybe you need to start looking for yours.

Now, if you will excuse me, i need to get high on water. My throat needs it.

Sunday's blues

It's Sunday.. *groan*

That means i'm gonna face another crazy Monday schedule again.. But then again, it is a short week so maybe all is not too bad. I have been slacking this Sunday off. I have been doing absolutely NOTHING! Haha... But it does feels good to be just enjoying my weekend instead of working.

And since i'm so free, i went and caught "Charlie and the chocolate factory" again with my friend. I dun mind watching a good movie twice, not to mention the fact that i caught it with my free movie passes *Woo*

The movie makes me crave for chocolate but i'm on a diet. Crazy i know. But i'd just lost 2 kg and i wanna keep it going. I know what it is like to lose control of my own diet. I can eat non-stop!

Was in a pretty good mood these few days. Hope things keep going this way.

Sometimes, i wonder why does my post gets such controversial responses from my friends. Maybe it is my lack of ability to express or i simply just can't put things in the right way.

When i posted the entry abt my student throwing a chair at me, i was dejected. Really, really dejected. Actually, it would be more accuarate to say that i'm already at a loss on what i can do. Ideally, i would love to talk to all my problem kids, counseled them on their attitudes and hopefully, they would eventually change. But sad to say, in reality, that is not possible.

3 out of my 5 classes have serious problems, in both their attitudes and studies. Maybe some of you cannot understand my situation. But imagine this. You stepped into this class and all you get is chaos. They refused to listen, dun want to do your work. Walk around, play around and the class is literally a zoo! You screamed at them to stop, you punished the class and you tried to talk to some of the students. Each time, they give you the promise but each time you step in, it is the same. Then you went on to your next lesson and the moment, you step into this next class, it is the same again. The students insult you, have ZERO respect. Order you around or simply walk out of your class. And you tried to do the same thing you did with your previous class and you moved on to teach your next lesson. And guess what? The next class is the same. You are tired and start to feel that you are a failure. You asked for help from fellow colleagues and HODs. But nothing helps. You talk to one students, two students and finally realised that you still have another 50 more to go. You wanted to give them the attention but you dunno to start from which one because all of them needs the same attention. So, what do you do now?

Really, what should i do now? I have broke down so many times when i think abt school because i DUNNO what i can still do. I kept asking my friends, is it me or is like what the others say that it is the classes that i get?

I know some of you are concerned for me and i know that sometimes, i need to hear stuffs that ppl feel might be good for me. But what i'm upset about is that, sometimes these very people never really sit down and ask me what happen too. They listen to my complains, and they form a conclusion from what they knew abt me.

Students have needs. What about teachers? And what about teachers who get not one but all of the problem classes? I have needs too. But sadly, most cannot see it. I tried to ask for help on my blog. But sadly, it didn't get any response. But a simple entry of saying that my student threw a chair at me did.

I'm just upset that why did this person felt that i did not try to talk to that particular student and that i did not try to find out what is wrong. My words maybe pointed but that does not mean that i do not care for them. Saying pointy things to my freinds does not equal to the fact that i will do so to my students.

I can glad to say that a few of them are responding to me and they are doing much better in both work and attitudes. But right now, i just do not know how to help the remaining 50 odds who are having the same problems.

Anyone got a suggestion?

What really happens..

I was thinking really hard about this post and if i shouldn't even blog about it. After all, i dun have to explain to everyone about everything.

It was a bit upset for me to see certain things but then everyone has a right to bring up their view. I'm not correcting anyone, so voicing out my part.

I could have taken the easy way by accepting what my HOD suggest for me. Just simply send that particular student to sit in front of the general office everytime i have a lesson with that class. But i thought that it would be unfair to deny him to study so i rejected. I tried talking to him about why he is so disruptive in class, i tried to show him that he can actually do good with his school work. I think deep in him, he knows i'm right but somehow, he just doesn't want to show it. He was disruptive in every lesson, not only mine. Everything i walk by the class, i would see him sitting outside the classroom cos he'd been punished. So, i had never sent him out of the classroom, most of the time, i would give him more work to keep him occupied.

On that particular day, he was simply too much. He was pushing his classmates and falling over the chairs and laughing loudly, simply ignoring the fact i was in the classroom. I told him to go back to his seat and take out his book which he obliged. But when my back is turned to face the others, he go back to the same way again. The rest of the class is looking at me, for me to hand out some punishment to him (because everytime, he is the one who is disrupting the class from lesson). I felt that i've to give him a signal that he is not special in my class and he too had to be punished like the rest. So i told him to stand up and go to the back. He started to curse me, at this point his malay friends are giggling. Frankly, i was too exhuasted to deal with him, so i told to report to the general office to explain why he threw vugarities at me. This got him mad and when he walked by me, he hurl a chair at me (which actually hit me on my leg). I've to say, it was really upsetting for me. But i have to pretend like i'm strong and hand him over to the DM. I even explain to the class why i have to send him down. Many of the students supported me and told me after my lesson that they think it was really mean of him to do that. They also asked me not to be too stress cos they know their class was not a easy class.

After the lesson, i skipped my lunch and went to talk to him. I told i really want to help him but he has to give me the chance.

This is not the first time i'm writing about it and this won't be the last. I really doesn't know how to handle that class. I really tried my best but it was simply not enough. I'm not mad at the student, i'm just upset about it. I'm more mad at how the school treated this incident.

If there is anyone who was suspecting at how i treat me students, i can say at least i know i treated all my students fairly and i'd never said a word of harshness to them before.

P/S: I'm not allowing comments on this post because i dun wanna it to turn out to be a arguing incident. It is OVER. I'm done with it.

I'm getting old..

and fat too! I can see the fat piling around my waist but am still lazy to do anything constructive about it.

I'm a little bit burn out. Sad to say i'm beginning to think that teaching is not what i think it is all about. Maybe i need another school. What i'm seeing here is disheartening. I know, all of you get bad classes but you dun have students who throw chairs at you do you?

Yes, you din hear wrongly. My darling student threw a chair at me last week because i ask him to go down to the general office to report why he hurl vugarities at me. Guess what? The student din got much punishment and he was being counselled by several teachers. In fact, i was questioned abt it. Really? What the fuck? They know what that class is like and they know it is not easy. So am i suppose to just perform miracles like Nicole Kidman snapping her fingers? Lucky for me, the whole class saw the episode and i had my support, if not i think they will just let the student off.

Now, do you still think that my students are chicken feet and easily to deal with? Tell me about it when you get students who hurl vugarities and chairs at you.

Anyone got the DVDs for this series? I'm just dying to watch it... I know it is showing on Channel 5 but i just can't catch it on thu.. Bummer..

Genuine concerns?

I've been feeling like crap for the past few days.

What started out as a pure case of flu soon turned into an agony battle of gastric problems. I have been given 4 days of MCs in total but i think i shall go abck to work tmr.

I know there are ppl in school who are wondering why did i actually took so many days of mcs. Some even called to get informations. Really, these ppl. Too free is it? A fellow colleague called just now and said i'm so clever to take mc till tmr cos tmr i have no lesson. Hello?! My choice to be sick or not is it? I din even go for my Salsa lor. If you truely care abt my illness, then i thank you. But you are just calling to kapao or to suan me, then save your saliva. I know i'm sick and i dun have to account to anyone except to MOE which i shall submit my MC to. Jealous that i got such a long break at home? Go ahead and take your MC though i can tell you that i wish to be in school instead. It is not fun (in anyway) to lie in bed whole but cannot rest cos you are too much in pain. I can't even get a good night sleep these 3 days!

I just think it is a pity that i missed Salsa today but i know i'm definitely not well enough to go dancing. Oh well, i shall bug yy to teach me what she'd learnt in today's lesson.

I shall go rest now so that i can be more refresh for tmr.

Politics? I dun care about it...

I'm such a slacker! I have been putting off my work review for the longest time! It is not that it is difficult for me to write it. But it is simply a fact that i dun believe in it. Most of the things that you write in the work review is mainly for 'show'. How many of the items that were written were actually carried by those who wrote it?

Anyway, most of you would have know that i'm always a relief teacher on Friday. The school had been kind to me today, giving me relief for the first two periods. So i pretty much got the rest of the day to myself. I think to myself.. Maybe i can finally start on my work review. But alas, i still failed to. The test paper that i sent for verification finally came back (thanks godness! Today is the last day to print all common test papers!) and it seems that they find the standard of the test is a bit on the high side. So they wanna me to 'water' it down. Well, the last time they said my test too easy and now too difficult. What the? Maybe i'm stupid but i really dunno how to craft a test where it is just right to every single students' abilities.

So i spent the rest of the afternoon changing my questions and marking books. When i finally finished the papers and wanna send it for printing, i came to realised a horrible truth. In my school, the teachers print the test papers that they set. For example, i set the sec 3 papers so i will print for all the sec 3 classes, packed them nicely according to classes and locked them up. I was horrified. Printing the common test papers was easy as i only need to print for 3 classes. However for FYE, i'd to set 4 papers! I can't even imagine how many printing i have to do. This promptly brings me to a question. If the teachers are printing their own test and exams papers and the daily worksheets for the classes, what is the purpose of hiring the uncle whose job is suppose to help printing test papers and worksheets for teachers? I mean MOE hired them to help relieve the teachers' load right? I'm not been mean but really if we do all the job, then why do we still need them? Frankly, all i ever see that uncle do is to lock up blank printing papers in his cupboard and to KBKB when we asked him for the papers. Other than that, everytime i go down to the printing room, it is always the teachers who are doing the printing and he will be sitting at his desk, dunno doing what. This is not to mention that he'd a really bad attitude. He will be extremely nice to ppl with authority and shouted at others (eg, BT like me). Today was even worse. I was printing worksheets for my classes when my HOD came to the printing room. Apparently, he needs to print some stuffs. Upon seeing that, the uncle immediately asked me to let my HOD print first. I was pissed. Really. If my HOD had not made such a request, who does he thinks he is? I refused to move cos i think it is such an unfair request! Just because my rank is low so i have the last printing rights? Mind you, i queue for the machine for a long time! I believe my time is as precious as the HOD's time. My HOD was quite nice and said that it is ok, he will wait. This makes me feel better (at least he is not using his rank to pressure me) and i actually let him photocopy his stuffs first as he only has a few pages. When i was about to continue with my photocopying, this senior teacher suddenly rushed to the machine and cut me out. I was furious by then. But i kept my cool and told her that my stuffs are still inside the machine. She seemed a bit unhappy and said that i cannot used this machine to copy cos blah blah.. She said too many things that i had even forgotten what she'd said. In the end, she gave up cos i show no signs of letting up. Why should i get bully just because i'm new? And i hate that uncle! Putting on a smile when he saw the ppl 'high high up there' and even volunteer to help them photocopied their materials.

Bleah! Who cares about him. He can stay in the printing room and kiss all the arses he wants.

I decided to leave school at 4pm to catch "Bewitched' with a friend since it is such a frustrating day. I'm glad that i did. It was a funny movie and i enjoyed myself totally, laughing away silly at the jokes made in the movies. It was such a stress-reliever.

But the best thing is that i get to shop and buy things today cos it's payday! Haha.. Retail therapy is always the best...

KTV, Dinner and Friends

It is nice to finally be able to get hold of something that you were wishing so hard for. Haha.. I'm not talking about men but the ktv session that i had this afternoon. Of course, i felt guilty about leaving my work behind to enjoy but i figures that i need the entertainment so i went anyway.

It was a great change, singing your voice out instead of screaming away at the students. This promptly brought me back to reality that i have to face the whole bunch of them tomorrow. I hate to teach them after a long break because they will simply be so restless! I can imagine what will happen tomorrow liao. The mere thought of it is scaring me out.

The company at today session was nice. Finally get to meet up with the busy philosopher, Ray. Gosh, he can actually put on weight even when he was so tied up with work! Maybe, it is true that you eat more when you are more stress.

Had a little surprise today when i met someone whom i had not seen in years. Well, not so surprise actually. We are communicating over the sms and he mentioned that he wanna join me for KTV but too bad that the room is filled. So i popped over to his room when i'm done with my ktv session. It is great to see him again. Frankly, i was real tempted when he asked me to join him. But i know better than to spend too much time with him. I'm quite contented with just seeing him again and have a short but enjoyable chat.

Come to think of it, he had asked me out on several occassions a while ago but i always turned it down. It is not that he is so horrible that i'm running away from him. I think it is simply that i do not want to meet him. I mean i do miss him and wanna meet up with him but at the same time, i dun wish to. It is a complicated feeling and i do not know how to put it in words. I think for those who knows the whole story will be able to understand.

Oh well. Anyway, it was his birthday yesterday. He shares the same birthday with our country. Haha.. How convenient. I can never forget when his birthday is. Wonder if he still remembers mine though.

This is a bit late but Happy Birthday anyway =)

Now that all the fun is over, the work shall begins again. I had just managed to drag myself to finish up the lesson plan. I think i shall go through the lesson once before i hit the bed.

Tomorrow is another long and tiring day.. Sigh..

Happy National Day!

It is Singapore's Birthday today. Happy Birthday Singapore.

I have been wanting to do some minor changes to my blog template but am still too lazy to do it yet. Perhaps i will do it during the coming Sept holidays. Haha.. But i doubt i will do it then too..

Am feeling a little bit guilty over agreeing to go for KTV session with my friends tomorrow cos i still have stuffs undone. But i just can't say no, for
1. it's like they have answered my pray for a ktv session,
2. i haven't been out with the lot of them.

I seriously wonder am i been given too much work or it is simply a question of my work efficiency. I think it's the latter. I have been wasting so much time on sleeping this weekend. Now my head is getting so swell up with all the stuffs that are still undone but i guess i deserved it.

Realised that my writing is getting worse on this blog. Even i'm bored to death reading what has been written. Think i should stop writing now and blog later when i have better writing inspirations.

KJ, how about a trade off? I accompany you to watch 'Mysterious Skin' and you accompany me to watch 'The Island'?

Raymond, arrgh! Why are you so busy lately? Wanna ask you out also must book so much in advance. Need to take number anot?

Hey! YY, KJ, Qing, Jimmy, Eggie, Suzie, you all on for the mambo thing?

Oh yeah, before i forgot and get killed by him.. My friend had started a blog on trading. So all you people out there who trades, go take a look at his blog. He is quite accurate i must say.

http://otrader.blogspot.com

Ranting, ranting and more ranting!

I think my life is horrible. I'm either in school or i'm home. Even when today is National Day eve and i actually get out of school at 12pm, i still ended up at home.

I've got this insatiable desire for a KTV session! Ok, i know KJ is gonna bite my head off when he read this because i'd just turned down his offer to go for a ktv session. But then, that is only because i really think it is pretty awkward for me to go with him and his other 2 female colleagues. Don't get me wrong, his colleagues are fantastic but i dun really know them too well and i have spoken to them for a grand total of 5 sentences before. As cute as KJ is, i dun really think he can spilt his attention among so many of us and really, i hate to just wind up sitting alone.

So here i'm, back to square one. Arrgh! Where are all the friends when you need company? Somehow, they are always occupied when i needed them most. But that cannot be help, for they have their own life. Maybe i should go and reflect why ppl are able to get company on a day like this while i'm bumming out at home.

Sigh.

It's too nice a day to do work and yet too wasteful to just spend it infront of the computer. I think i should go back to sleep before i harp on the topic why am i wasting a day like this sleeping away..

But before i forget, how about a mambo night out on 31st Aug, my dear NIE friends? Well, the next day is a holiday(it 's Teachers' Day!). Now, you all can't say i don't book you early enough.

Reflection

The week is finally over.. At least for me. I have no official lessons on Friday except to relief. Finally a break for me from the long week.

I do think about why the class won't behave in my prescence. Some advise me to be firm with the class. People who had seen me teaching before knows i'm firm with all my classes. Is it due to the fact that i'm not strict with the class? It doesn't seems to be that way neither. I do set my rules and my regulations and i do see that they are being followed as well. Then what is the problem? I kept asking myself this question. Where did it all go wrong?

I'd tried to seek help from many senior teachers but still none works. A fellow colleague asked me to just forget about it and go on. But i dun want to. I dun want to become another one of those teachers who is struggling to go through each day. That is why i came into teaching.. To try to survive through each day.

So where did it all go wrong?

They said all the new teachers get that kind of treatment in my school. I wonder. Really? I'm not the only one with problems with my classes, the other BTs had similar problems too. But what can we do, if we had already tried the possible methods that was been suggested?

Can someone tell me what to do?

Diamonds are a girl's best friend!

I actually wanted to do a post with regards to KJ's entry on politics but then i decide to blog about something else that is more important to me. That is my new diamond pendant! Okies.. Most girls would be like 'Chey! What so big deal about it?' Well, it is to me. For i had never own any diamond accesories before. I had been tempting to get one. I just couldn't put myself to get one through.

As i was saying, i was feel rather low these few weeks and i felt that getting a reward for myself might be a good way to cheer me up. I told my mom that i was going out to get myself a diamond ring and she insisted on following. So the two of us went to...

I was browsing through the rings on the display counters when my mom suddenly mentioned that she wanted to buy a pendant for me.

Me: Huh? Why suddenly wanna buy me pendant? Win toto?

Mom: No lar. But i know you had been wanted one for sometimes.

Well, when your parents offer to buy you stuffs, i believed most of us won't reject, which is why i came home with this beauty. I actually wanted to take a pic of my diamond necklace and post it here but my stupid camera just can't take good photo from it. So dumb.. I think the next thing i'm gonna get is a new camera!

It is not a super, duper big diamond (it is only 0.1 carat). But mind you, my family is not that well-to-do and i'm quite satisfied with it.

For the next few days, i'm gonna wear my beauty.. Lalalala

I should really be getting to sleep now.

It's Monday

It's Monday and most working people are usually down with a common illness named 'Monday Blues'. However, i think my situation must be more serious for my illness is unknown! Apart from the normal symptons where one feel slightly depressed for the fact that the weekend is over, i seem to be lacking in energy as well. I just can't seem to get enough sleep! I believed i must had slept more than 48 hours in the past weekend. Yet, i still woke up as tired as ever this morning. It seems like i'm trying to refill an endless hole. My classes must be zapping my energy level real low that even recharging doesn't helps. I need a longer break.

Had a super long day. It started off with 5 straight periods with some of my worst classes (what a morale booster!) My sec 2NA class is getting real out of hand. They refused to even sit and do their work in science. The malay boys were happily singing and chatting away, basically ignoring my prescence. The rest just followed suit. Do i heard some of you ask me to discipline them? For ppl who know me, they would know that i would have given the class hell. In fact, i did. I have made them stayed back almost everyday after school. I made sure they can only leave after they finished every sentence of my work. I have even sent some of the more naughtier kids for discipline cases. But everytime, it only works for a short while. They will just revert back to their old self. I have even tried to reason with them that they need to put in some form of efforts for their studies. Their test results are atrocious but yet they dun seemed to care. Many still cheered for getting 8 out of 25 marks. This is getting real depressing. They made me start to question myself as a teacher. Is my classroom management so bad that i can't control them? Is it me or them? Some colleagues have been trying to console me that i'm not the only science teacher who cannot perform miracle with them. But that is not the point right? Why can't they settle down for Science? And the situation is getting from bad to worse. They made me wanna pull my hair. If i go bald, it is their fault >.<

The long day is not over yet. I've to stay in school till 6 plus as it is my CCA. As some of the other teachers is due for some outside school duties, i have to help cover for them. It is not that bad. But the marking of attendance is horrible. Imagine calling out at least a hundred names =S Oh, well... At least i can still do my work. Lotsa marking to clear. The books are stacking so high that i fear for my safety sitting beside them, for they looked like they are gonna topple soon.

There is still no news from the SDU studio with regards to our Salsa lessons. YY, i guess we can start asking for refunds.

Right now, i'm just dreaming for my bed.. Zzzzz...