It is such a great day. I managed to bid goodbye to all my classes for i happen to have classes with all 3 of them. Sec 1 Courageous was very sweet today, presenting me with flowers and gift and running after me for my signature! I have upload the photo in the previous entry. Sec 2 Gracious was very noisy as usual but i really cannot bring myself to scold for i do not wanna destroy my mood (plus i have to see them tmr again!! Arrgh...) Sec 3 Ardent was trying to be funny with me today, making fun of my nick and name. I even have to cajole them to take a class photo for me.. But in the end, they still do lar (with the guys, yes the guys busying combing their hairs!).

Lindy was great tonight too. Learnt another new step which i feel that was so much more easy than the 6-counts or 8-counts.. As usual, i'm the super blur one and made lotsa mistakes till the instructors also notice me liao! (Sob sob) It was always a bit stress to dance with instructor because i'm quite scare to make mistakes in his face.

Managed to dance with all our guys tonight (even Egwin!). KJ is finally able to make it.. Oh sidetrack a bit..

KJ: One of my TT says the photo at your blog is so damn nice!

Poor Egwin is a bit worried now for he did not check the schedule and still thought that next week is a holiday week! He looked so shocked when i told him got class at NIE next week. Well, i guess we will have to see how we can help him liao.

It is gonna be the last day tmr. To be honest, i felt kinda sad to leave for i know i'm gonna miss the school and the students. Well, i think i will just have to enjoy Speech Day tmr and the long await KTV session!

P/S: Should i blog in red colour text from now onwards? It looks good huh...

Some of the presents that i get from my 1 Courageous. 

My 3 Ardent.. It took quite a while to persuade them to take this picture... 

The monkeys from Sec 2G 

My students are so sweet! I just had my last lesson with my adorable 1 Courageous and they presented flowers to me in the class. Some even gave me hand-made presents. But the most funny thing is most of them asked me to put my signature in their science textbook! I felt like a superstar, having to sign dozen of eh.. textbook. Their actions simply put a smile onto my face right now..

Hopefully 2G will be better later and dun spoilt my day...

With regards to Ray's comments..

Damn! I only saw Ray's comment after i posted the last blog. But i felt that there is a need to reply so that's why i'm posting this.

First, with regards to your first statement in your post ('How do you even begin to comment on a post like this that demands attention?'), i'm not demanding attention with that blog entry. It is just a spur on the moment thought to type it because 1. I'm too tired from doing work, 2. I just wanna share some of thoughts and 3. I never demand attention for it. I never thought that entry would results in any comments.. Er.. ok a few...

Second, yes i'm abit jealous of my friends but i dun curse nor swear at them for having lifes that i yearn to have. Maybe you had misunderstood my lines but what i mean is i envy them, not angry at them. I do congrats them if you do not happen to know about it. I wish to do something like what they are doing but that does not mean i'm wallowing in self pity. I do not remembering telling all my friends how bad a life i'm leading. i merely meant that the inferiority makes me feel that what i'm doing was not enough and does not hold much meaning. Life in my school is hard but i do see myself trying harder for what i want (for eg my 2G). I remember i posted that i did very badly for the 1st obs with 2G and for my 2nd obs, i actually did very well. I won't lie and say that it is easy. I tried for hard to make it better. So with regards to the statements 'It took a long time to climb out of that abyss. But the first step is to excommunicate yourself from the self-pity.', I would like to say that i dun see myself in the so called abyss that you claimed i'm in. Lemme say that my relatives are very smart people as well. In fact, all my aunts, uncles and cousins graduated from colleage like RJ, NJ or HCJC and i'm only from YJ. But never once am i ashamed to say that i'm from YJ (even till now), for i see nothing wrong in not being able to go to good JCs. I have tired my best and i accepted that. For your info, my sis scored a fanstastic L1R5 score which double of mine too. I have sibling pressure too but i accept that fact that she is smarter than me and i had a wonderful 2 years in YJ. For your info, i tends to blame myself more when things dun go the way i want to. People who knows me really well knows that.

Lastly, i know i have many great friends around me who support me so much. And Ray, i still hold big dreams that i believe one day i will be able to achieve it.

Seriously, i never thought that entry would cause all this. It is just one of those down moments when you feel less of yourself. I mean everyone has ups and downs and that is just one of them. Nonetheless, i thank all those who had commented and given me contructive advices.

A big Thank You!

Hey! I just wanna thanks all those who helped cheering me up and giving me advices after they saw my last blog. Was hit by the green-eyed monster when i was writing that blog. Like what GQ says, it is all part of the phase of growing up (oh my god! I'm still growing -_-''') and seriously i must say my NIE life is really really great. I get to know so many fantastic people *give them a hug* and they had brought so much joy into my life. I still love teaching and mixing with my kids (though i think i'm starting to behave more like them. Nooooo.....).

So here is what i wanna say to these people...

GQ: Thanks for leaving that sweet comment! It really warms my heart. What would i do without a friend like you =)

KJ: Thanks for your advice too. I will looked into that. But from what i know, the overseas attachment only applies to teachers who had completed their bonds. And as for Lindy 2, the guy-girl ratio is quite proportional but maybe you can sneak in? I dun think they will realise it. (Oops! Is it very unmoral of me? Haa..)

Juliet: Please take care of yourself gal! Especially your throat, we are going for that KTV session on Fri!! Yippeee...

YY: I always have a lot to say to you but thanks so much for all the help you had given me (especially helping me adminstrating the chemistry test! I have not thank you properly for that..)!

P/s: The 'recover post' thingy really works! I lost this blog when i was typing and gave that command a try and luckily, it managed to recover it back for me. If not i'm too lazy to type it all over again...

What i really think..

This is so strange.. I did not feel any urge to blog nor to do anything. I just wish to lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I just wish to do 'brainless' activities. I just do not wish to use any energy.

That is what i wish i could do but alas! Till practicum is over, that kind of life is still far from reach. I still have LPs to write, exam papers to set and notes to create. The worst thing is it is already the last weekend.. I have absolutely no strength left to do it. I have obs from my Vice principal tmr and yet i still went for a mahjong session with Jimmy and company. Till the very moment now, i'm still not exactly doing my work. Burn out? Maybe..

I cannot describe my feeling now.. It is so strange.. It is like i'm leading a busy life (smt to the extend that i have only 2 hrs for sleep..) but yet still i felt the loneliness. It can be so overwheming sometimes. Recently this feeling has been popping out again. Suddenly i felt very inferior. Few days ago, i happened to see an article on how young people get jobs that send them overseas for training and how they will make use of this opportunities to go travelling. And when i read in details, one of the people mentioned is my sec sch classmate. I felt a pang of jealousy.. We both started out even but now i just feel that i'm so much more behind her. It makes me feel like whatever i'm busy with now has no meaning. Of course i'm not demeaning the job of a teacher. It is meaningful but somehow i felt a tiny bit of lost. Do you every have the feeling that every time you look at your friends and they seemed to be doing better and you felt inferior about it. That is how i feel now. I have lotsa dreams of course but it seems like i'm drifting further and further away from it. I even wonder if i can still ever catch them. I want to be studying overseas like my friends.. I'm so afraid that i might be trapped here. Although i have been telling my friends that i would want to go overseas after my bond is up but seriously i do not know if i could do it. I just wish i could leave behind all the troubles and things that i have to handle and go far far away. You may call it as a form of escape. I just wish to be really free from all these for once in my life. I just wish to be free. But now i'm not so sure that i will have that freedom anymore.

Maybe i'm just lonely.. Maybe i do need that special someone like everyone does.. Maybe.. But who knows?

Random Thoughts...

I got a earworm! F.I.R is ringing in my head! I'm listening to F.I.R songs as i'm writing this blog.. I have been bothering YY with my singing yesterday. Haa..

We met Xiaxue at City Hall Interchange yesterday. Yy was mildly excited and even tried to photograph her with her HP.. But in the end, she chose not to. Wise choice.. I won't want to end up with xx confronting us *Hmmm*

Ken Jin! Why did you not come to Lindy yesterday? We are so lonely without you! Haha.. Stayed for Swing Fling (sigh.. me and my lousy resistance) and in the end, i only managed to have one complete dance (with the lindy 4 teacher!) and 2 incomplete dance with Raymond and Joel.. We need more guys.. Btw, every time when yy asked me to look at the Justin at Jitterbugs, i will connect that justin to our cute, beloved Justin Lee (Juz, are you reading this?).

Sorry if i can't write one full complete blog. My mind is too tired to try to link everything together. Ciaoz!

Marking Day!

It is marking day for today. I have 2 lessons in the first two periods and lesson at the last period. There is a big break in between and guess what? There is no relief for trainees today. Maybe it is due to the fact that the school had suddenly thrown each of us another relief period towards the end of the day yesterday. It is a bit irritating. Imagine you are teaching halfway and suddenly a cleaner auntie comes in and gave you a relief slip. And that is after you have done 1 relief period and taught 5 straight periods. And the relief is just one period after your last lesson. I din even have time to eat cos i have remedial at 2.30pm. @#$%&*

The books that i have to mark is stacking veru high on my table and i'm simply trying to squeeze time to mark them. What am i buy with? Busy with setting mid year paper, busy with relief and lesson plans. Yes.. There is still lesson plans for there are still lessons to teach although the obsevations are over.

Im gonna start on Lindy 2 tonight. Kinda excited about it but worried at the same time. Excited over the facts that i'm gonna learn more interesting moves and worried that i might not be able to catch up. Kinda drag about the facts that i have to learn to someone's sacastic remarks evry thursday when i go for the dance. Not that i'm affected by his remark (i know where is my standards..), just irritated by him constantly saying the same thing over and over again. Even when i have improved on my weak points, he still never fails to mention them again as if that makes him feel good about himself. If that is really the case, what a loser! He so need to grow up. Feel like telling him off one day that he is not that great himself. But meanwhile, whatever! I do as i please. I dance as i like. I may not be an expert but i do not need to step on anyone to make myself feel good.

Really tired.. It is as though my body knows that practicum is almost over and it can't wait to rest. Maybe i should go off earlier for Swing Fling today.

The most hateful type of person

You know what i hate? I hate people who try to act nice or say nice things about themselves when they have push the shitty job to others. I hate it when they try to act as if they are doing you a favour.

I'd to rush to hand in my assignment back at NIE yesterday which fortunately means i'd escaped the contact time yesterday. However, this morning i discovered that it might not be such a bless after all. Early in the morning, one of the TT came and informed me that we'd to cover form teachers duties for some classes on Speech Day. And she immediately says that the rest of the TT after discussing among themselves decided that i will be the one taking 2G. Seriously, i felt offended.. Excuse me, but what do you mean you guys decided? I thought Mrs Tan asked the 6 of us, NOT the 5 of you to discuss and come out with the list on who to go to which class? Yes, i may be absent from yesterday meeting but that does not mean you all can take advantage of the situation.

I was even more annoyed when one of the TT has the cheek to tell me "The form teacher of 2G is your CT what, somemore u teach the class, so giving you the chance lor'. What do you mean by giving me the chance? Hello! I have been handling them since the start of practicum. Yes, it is true that they are more under control in my lesson now, doesn't mean i can control them outside the class! Plus, so what if i teach 2G, so what if my CT is the form teacher of 2G? If you are scared of taking the class, you say so. Dun try to make it sound so nice that you are doing me a favour. I'm so pissed by ppl who do that. Such a coward. Dun even dare to admit what you are thinking. Oh.. Did i hear you saying that i'm accusing you and it is not true. If so, then lets swop classes.. Oh, you dun want? Yes, why would you want to when all of you had gotten the good class.

So, lemme tell you something. I'm not pissed that i'd to take 2G, because i dun run away from a challenge. I accept it. I'm pissed that after being a coward for not daring to face 2G, ppl still have the cheek to distort the fact and try to be the saint in front of me. And lemme tell you another thing, if the instruction given was to discuss among ourselves, it means we discussed. I dun take orders from you ppl just because you all decided that i should. If we discuss and you all still feel that i should take 2G, i would be fine with it. But i hate it when ppl just come in and throw me the class and says thing like you all have decided and i should accept it. What the f***! Pardon me for my language but that is me. If i'm displeased, i speak it out, i dun pretend to be somebody else.

And lastly, dun pretend to say that you will try to help me managing the class for your class is beside mine during speech day. You know if you will or not. And dun try to make it sound as if it is very easy handling the class. This is the 2nd time where this statement totally pissed me off! If you really think that sec 2G is so easy to handle, then why din you take the class? Why did you decided to take the easy way out and take the sec one class? Stop shoot your mouth off and starts doing constructive things, instead of saying craps to me.

Lastly, peace. I'm writing this because i'm PISSED! Pissed that you guys do not respect me and not that i had to take 2G.

Thank God It's Monday! Ha!

Yes! It is a nice day. Why? Because i have completed the annoying chemistry assignment that is due this afternoon. I have only slept for 2 hours yesterday, trying to rush the assignment out. I believe most of the other chemistry trainees are in no better shape.

Going to have another observation later. This observation is unique because i only know about it this morning! It was supposed to be tomorrow. However, my CT suggested bringing it forward, in case he cannot come to school tomorrow. Why he can't come? Oops! Have i forgot to tell you guys? He is going to be a father soon! How exciting! =)

Anyway. i agreed. But now, i'm thinking that i might have just killed myself.. It is going to be a lab session and i dun exactly have a lot of experience conducting a SPA session.. Plus, i have no lesson plans or whatsoever! How?? Pulling my hairs now..

Anyway, i managed to 'escape' from the contact time in school today for i have to go to NIE to hand in assignment.. Lucky me! The contact time always last till almost 7pm.. Am laughing at my fellow trainees who had to attend the meeting. Very bad of me right? I also think so but i'm too happy now to care about anything. Frankly, i'm not even that worried about the obs later.. I believe my CT won't fail me and that is all i ask for now..

Oops.. Bell just rang.. Another 30 more mins to lesson, i'd better go prepare for it.

Btw, a fellow TT invited me to her wedding! How exciting.. I love going to wedding.. Wee! Can't wait for it!

I wish the annoying phone in the staff room would stop ringing. No one is picking it up anyway. It is only there to disturb me anyway...

My brain is almost dead today.. I tried to write my lesson plans but it take great efforts to get each word out..

There is still a power teach workshop in the afternoon school. No offense but i would rather go home and do my work..

My SCM lesson observation is finally over. It is so much more stressful to be observe by her than to be observe by my CT or NIE sup. Maybe it is cos i'd heard she is very strict and stuffs. Another reason would be, i know my CTs and NIE sup would not give me that bad a grade. You will be surprise to know that all my CTs are terrified by her. So if my SCM decides that i dun deserve the merit, then i won't get it even if my CTs dun agree..

Initally i thought i was screwed. I mean first, i couldn't finish what i have planned. Secondly, the class dun understand what i was explaining in the beginning. I'd no choice but to re-explain my first part of the lesson again. Surprisingly, she likes it. It just so seems that my style of teaching suits her. She likes the little things that i do during teaching. For example, i used the white board to explain difficult concepts and off the projector. It seems like the small, little things that i always do happens to fit her taste. She compliments that overall the lesson was a good one and i'd done many right things. I supposed that is good. I hope..

Now that the SCM obs is over, i'd to go prepare for my NIE sup obs..

I felt like a superstar.. Anyone wants my signature?

Dating Test

Since everyone is taking the test, i figure i might as well take it too.. Here are my results:

Your dating personality profile: Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile: Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need. Wealthy/Ambitious - You seek someone with goals, someone to whom success is important. You would like for this person to open up new experiences and opportunities for you.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Stylish 2. Liberal 3. Big-Hearted 4. Adventurous 5. Intellectual 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Romantic 8. Outgoing 9. Traditional 10. Sensual

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Adventurous 2. Conservative 3. Wealthy/Ambitious 4. Stylish 5. Big-Hearted 6. Athletic 7. Outgoing 8. Practical 9. Intellectual 10. Romantic

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

New record!

Yesterday i have only 2 hours of sleep.. What's next for tmr? 1 hour? I hope not..

I dunno why the stupid blog keep showing that i only have 18 entries for my blog on my profile.. I have written like much more over that amount and it just won't update.. Stupid..

I actually wanted to blog about my day in school till i saw my previous entires.. All about school. I decided that i have enough of school as well and i want to write about other stuffs. So much for teachers also can have a life. The only time i felt like i have a life now is when i'm at lindy. How pathetic..

I haven't been sleeping a lot. 3 hours is the most i can get per day. Sometimes i tried to sneak in a nap in between but usually i ended up sleeping for hours cos i'm simply too tired to wake. When that happens, i become very frustrated cos i still have so much freaking stuffs to do and i have slept my time away. Feel like slapping myself when that happens.

This is simply stupid. No time for sleep, no time to even read the newspaper.. I think soon i will run out of time to eat. Why am i torturing myself? *shrug*

I just wish to sleep now...

Just some thoughts..

I think there is something wrong with the server of blogger. The network is down constantly. Maybe blogger.com is getting too popular liao.

The weekend is over again. Next week is gonna be a very crazy week. Lot of observations and a chemistry assignment to rush. However, after next week, it would be a breeze liao. It seems like i have to muster all my strength if i wanna tide over this period. Sianz...

I simply can't wait for practicum to be over. I'm just sick of working and working where even the weekend is not enough. Or maybe i'm just too useless that i can't complete my work fast enough.

Received the official notice from NIE on the enrichment program. Suddenly, it dun look so bad to me anymore.. Hmm...

Do Not Disturb

Damn.. I accidentally pressed the wrong button and now i have to retype the whole blog.. Bummer..

I'd just finished another observation which leaves me with another 4 more to go.. So tired of writing lesson plans and still have a chemistry assignment to complete by next week.. I can foresee myself being more tired than this week for the next..

Another 2 more teaching periods and 1 relief period and i'm done for the day. I'm trying to type my chemistry lesson plan now but as i'm typing i can feel myself slipping in to a coma.. Zzzzz...

Sorry, too tired... Zzzzz...

Damn.. I think i shall go take a short nap on my desk and do work later.. Shall go and hang the 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign now...

Respect!

I went and read the first few entries of my blog which is written almost one year ago. God.. I can't believe i wrote them.. I had such serious attitude problem then! But then, i think my blog seems to be more interesting then too..

One year later and in another school, here i'm blogging away again. With another writing style, here i am trying to blog this. I had just finished teaching for 5 straight periods.. It is so draining.. Rushing from one class to another..

Something unbelievable happened.. My 2G are such an angel today! They are still a little bit noisy but they can actually sit down and listen to me teaching them! When i ask them to go back to their comp and do work, they actually followed my instructions, though they do complain here and there. The class atmosphere is so nice today that i wish it is like this for every lesson. One of the students in 2G said he dun like me cos i always let them do work and not playing in the lab. Well, i told that is really too bad. Just when i was about to wrap up the lesson, the fire drill went off and i had to bring them down to the field.. Great.. Now they din managed to save their work...

Just when i thought maybe this day would end on a nice note, something has to happen to screw it up. My acting SCM just inform us that they wanna observe us next week and ask us to pick a lesson and give it back to them immediately.. This is really irritating cos i have work to do and i have to put it all down to pick a slot for the observation. It seems like my work and time is not important. I felt so not respected!

@#$%^&*

Ok.. I feel better now.. But nonetheless, i still have work and work and lotsa work to do. I wish they could stop acting like trainees are really free.. Hadn't they been one before. I just wish for more respect here..

Finally here again!

Finally! I finally have the time to sit down in front of my computer to blog.. This is insane...

Practicum is going into the counting down period but it is also a crucial period where there are many observations. I was talking with one of my trainee friends and we both felt that we need to improve on our time management. I just felt that work is never ending though i have not stop working.. I'm actually working much more harder than i'm when i'm in NIE but still i can't manage to finish a lot of stuffs... Lesson plans, setting test papers, chemistry assignment and marking... I'm already working till late at night and yet at many times, i still find myself trying to rush through all the work. This is so stupid.. I'm so tired that now all i ever wanna do is to lie on the bed and sleep. I think the first thing that i wanna do after practicum is over is to have a 2-days worth of sleep!

Got the enrichment program schedule from YY yesterday through email. Yucks! Boring programs.. It looks more like they are just anyhow throwing programs for us so that we cannot go overseas. My SCM says that they used to have a long period of holiday from the transition of trainee to full-fledged teacher.. Now we dun enjoy such treatment cos they felt that we are being paid so.. We must work in short.. But don't they know that practicum is very tiring.. We need a long (ok, maybe a short one will do too), good break where we can rest and recuperate before we step into school again. Sometimes, i just hate the system.. Trying to work teachers to death!

Still need to go NIE to submit my MC.. Damn.. Why are there so many rules and regulations?? My brain is just not working now... >_<