Am I really that lousy as an Educator?

My eyes still sting from yesterday’s emotional breakdown.

I have learnt to let go of certain emotions and be more positive of the situation. I have really tried my best to change for the better. But I’m still made to feel that I’m just not good enough for the school.

What happened yesterday really cross the boundary. I’m not upset about her saying that I still appeared to be inefficient in my teaching but rather I was upset about having her taking over my lesson.

You can be unhappy with my style and my teaching or even to feel that I’m not good enough but that does not justify the action of taking over the lesson and putting me down in front of my students. To me, that is not only unprofessional but it is also disrespectful. I may be a junior in your eyes but age is not a factor for respect.

I have really tried my best to change to your liking but there is always something new that you do not like. There is always something more that is negative. What about the good things that I have shown? Is there really none? Why do I always feel that everyone can have a say is just trying to put me down? Just because Hilter feels that I’m not good enough, everyone has to find something to say about me?

I may be emotionally stronger than my neighbour who is current hospitalized from depression but that does not mean I’m immune to it.

I am just starting to feel that maybe I’m just not suitable for this profession.

Amazing School Holiday!

School holiday is an amazing thing, especially when you are in the teaching line.

You spent the term dreaming, wondering and waiting for the holiday to come. You spent the term saying to yourself on how you will take a good break and how you will sleep till the sun is way up in the sky before the madness start all over again.

Finally, it comes. Then you start to realise that it is not really that much of a holiday when you have to be back on mon, wed and thurs for school commitments and the rest of the week in front of the computer trying to produce the exam papers, worksheets and powerpoint slides that are due.

And suddenly, the holiday has ended and you are due back for work even before you feel that you had taken a break from work. Then, once again, you spent the term wondering what you will be doing the next school holiday.

So tell me again. Isn’t the school holiday amazing? Especially when I could never tell where they have gone…