Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Little Miss Perfect

You know you have been watching too much model reality show when you start to be very conscious of your figure and wishing that you stick skinny so that you can fit into most clothes.

Heh.. So what am i trying to blog today? A few of my friends commented that i do not speak their language anymore and i have been blogging too much of a certain part of my life which is only cater to one group of friend. Come to think about it, it is actually pretty true. So i decided that today i shall speak their language again and have some bimbotic talk.

So what should we talk about? I know let talk about our past favourite topic.

America Next Top Model!

Yeah, i actually secretly worshipped this show. Nothing wrong right? Some may find it a stupid and brainless show but i actually find it quite interesting. I like to see gorgeous people strudding around in their glamourous steps. Come on. Admit it! Which girl in their right mind doesn't want to be beautiful and get to wear nice pretty clothes everyday?

Circle 4 of ANTM just ended on our shore last night and the winner is Naima. Quite disappointing if you ask me. She is not exactly the supermodel i'd in my mind. I prefer Kahlen anytime.

Look at her! She is drop dead pretty can? How can she lose??? Oh well, i'm not the judge. But if you are speaking about my favourite contestant throughout the season, it definitely has to be Elyse.

This lass here is not only pretty but she has a pretty good head on her shoulder as well! She is qualify to enter the medicine collegue and constantly laugh at the fact that Tyra says that modelling needs brains as well. Pretty, smart and independent. But again, she did not win the competition as well. Maybe great people are not supposed to win this competition. *shrugs*

However, you have to be real careful with watching too much of this kind of reality show. It is bad for your health! Why do i say so? Watching too many skinny and pretty people makes me start to think that i'm simply not good enough. I start to find faults with myself. I'm too fat, i got flabby arms, thighs, blah blah... Watching too much of it, drags me out of my reality. :~(


I think my self esteem is real low now. I felt lousy about myself. Kept wishing that i'm skinner so that i can fit into the clothes that i bought. *bleah*

Maybe i just need a good, old bf to remind me that i'm desirable.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

A big step

Yeah, it is a big step, though i'm not the one taking them. I met someone on the bus today. She was my primary school classmate. I'd met her once earlier this year. But when i saw her today, i got quite a shock. Earlier this year, she had no ring on her finger and a flat tummy. 6 months later, when i saw her again, she is wearing a big diamond ring on her index finger and her tummy is suggesting that she is at least 4-5 months pregnant! Quite a big change but i'm happy for her. Whenever i met someone who is happily married, they always ask me the same thing.. When is it my turn?

I can't help but wonder if i'm going through another transition in my life where friends are moving away from buying cars to buying flats, from picking boyfriends to marrying husbands, from going out to party to staying at home and look after babies. It's a scary thought. I still feel that i'm too young to make this transition. I still have lotsa things that i wanna do and i just haven't play enough.


On other things, i'm green from envy. Maybe i shouldn't compare too much with the rest of my friends.. Comparing always make me feel that i'm in a super lousy situation.

A fellow mate from salsa says that it is good to let out the frustration out but since i can't do anything abt the situation i'm in, then maybe i should just try to find the one best thing till i can go away to another place. *Bleah* It is a bit difficult though.


Been having these headaches since yesterday. Sigh.. I need to take care of my health before i lose them..

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I found that...

there maybe schools that are worse than the one i'm in.

The Science practical invigilation today proves to be an eye opener today for i had gotten to see a school that might be worse than the one that i'm currently attached to.

First, the school population is ver small. Probably about half the size of my school population.

Second, the students there seems to be quite bad. This is the first time that i actually see private candidates doing the practical better than the school students!

Thirdly, they have the design of those that you will see when i'm still in secondary! Although my school was built on the old design, it still beats the type of school that i used to study in.

Maybe i'd seemed something that will make me think better of my school.. Hmm...

Let's change another topic. KJ suggests to show video, which is a good option except that some of my classes' classroom had no projectors, for it is spoilt. How to show?

YY, well, now i learn that you give some, you get some. Maybe my reading time will come soon *hoping*

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

It's raining again!

Was suddenly posted out for practical invigilation tomorrow and that means i'd to rush out keying in all the marks by today! Yucks! But luckily i managed to finish it. Sometimes i wonder how i do all these.

Kinda envy YY that she has the morning to read.. Wish i have time to sit and read, especially when i have not yet touch my newest book of Harry Potter since i bought it ages ago! Dunno why i buy it so early for what? -_-''

Now, i'm gonna headache on how to entertain my kids next week during normal lessons.. Anyone has any good suggestions?

Monday, October 17, 2005

Crap, crap and more crap!

Yes, still no photo yet.

I now i should have upload them by now but once i'm in a lazy mode, it usually last for days. Especially when i'm still trying to figure out how to use my new camera.

I have done most of the marking except for 1 class of CPA coursework left and that is the most difficult to mark! My hand is kinda getting the cramp from all the marking.. Sigh.

I have been assigned to be the invigilator for the science practical exam on thurday which means i can get out of school! Yeah!! How nice is that huh. But that also mean i had to finish all my paper checking by wed.. Hmmm..

What a meaningless blog.. I'm bascially just blogging to waste time away till i can go out for lunch.. Bleah..

Friday, October 14, 2005

Another year older but never the wiser!

I'm happy.

How can i not be? This may sounds narcistic but who cares.. It is my... BIRTHDAY!


Apart from the fact that i'm one year older *grumble*, my birthday is wonderful.

YY and i prove KJ wrong! We did have a quiet evening together.. Oh gosh! How did we manage to do it?? It was nice to just hang out with friends and have a dinner together. Both of us went to lindy to look for 'old' friends but we realised that a lot of them weren't there yesterday night. Oh well, it was still fun though. I will upload the photo later tonight or tmr.. heh heh..

Since it is my birthday, here is a little speech...

To all my NIE friends,

How do i even begin? You guys had made my NIE stay a wonderful one. I must say i'm really blessed to have all of you as my friends. You cheered me up when i'm down and never failed to lend me a listening ear when i'm complaining (which is most of the time!), give me encouraging words. You are too kind to me that sometimes i felt that i do not deserve friends like you all.

To the one person whom had given me a lot of 'comments', i appreciate them. But sometimes, the timing is just not right. But then again, there may never be the right timing *shrugs* Of course, i know it is for my good and good advise does always sound unpleasant to the ear.

Ok.. Enough said, i dun wanna be too long-winded.

Let's make some birthday resolutions.. Here it goes...
  1. Be more positve about my school.
  2. Be nicer to everyone, including those who pisses me off (haha, i'm keeping my fingers crossed on this!)
  3. To save more so that i can do some investments like someone who had recently earn some profits.. Heh heh
  4. To be healthier, slimmer and prettier! (Anyone knows a good plastic surgeon?)
  5. To be more efficient in my work and be a better teacher.
  6. To get more sleep.

and finally...


This way, my friends would no longer has an excuse to laugh at me..

With that, i shall get back to my markings, if i wanna go out later in the afternoon...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

If i may say something...

*piew* My blogger finally had recovered and now i can blog at the comfort of my home.

The exams had started and now everyone is busy with marking, and i'm no exception. I do have lotsa marking to do, 9 full classes of science papers and CPA. But i'm counting my blessings as some of the contract teachers have more since they did not help to set papers. I'm just trying to finish everything by Fri so that i can take the weekend off to celebrate my own special day. Sounds like mission impossible but i shall still try nonetheless.

There is actually a lot of work waiting for me but i'm trying not to stress myself out. My gastric had acted again and i was in pain for three days till i finally decides to see the doctor again. He asked me to have more rest and eat more regulary.. And i asked myself, how to?

Before i came online to blog, there is actually an incident which i wanted to dedicate the whole entry to but now as i think about it, it doesn't seem to be so important anymore. Except that i wanna say that, yes i'm choosy. I'm choosy over how my food, my hair and my nails should be done. Because i believe that i did not pay to suffer. I'm choosy over how my stuffs should be arrange and i do not like ppl to mess my things. But i'm not choosy when it comes to school, colleagues or students. Complaining about them doesn't make me a choosy person and it is pretty unfair to me to make that statement too. Someone once say that words are more powerful than any pysical punishments. You can dun like the way i complain abt my school, that is your freedom. You can choose not to agree with me and i'm fine with it. But once again, i stressed, no one has the right to judge me over what i say abt my working life. Because, first, you did not step in my shoes and walked my path. You simply do not know what it is like, so what is there to judge? Second, if any of you happen to have a slightly better working life than mine, that doesn't mean i will also have it the same way. Things are just different in different schools. I felt that i do not need to argue for myself anymore. Those who can see it, will. Those who can't, never will. All i can say it, i will stop talking abt my school life in front of these ppl and i hope they will stop making such comments whether it is intentional or unintentional. It hurts, no matter what the case is. I have enough craps in school and i really do not need these from my friends. So pretty please, stop it.

I'm glad that i still have friends in school and outside of it, who supports me and see me as who i'm and not as the person they preceived from my blog entry. I just hope, one day it will all be better...

p/s: There is absolutely nothing to this post. I'm just blogging out my feelings which i had bottled for some time. I do not wish to keep this feeling with me as i go out to celebrate and hence there is this entry. I'm sorry if i'd said anything harsh to anyone but there is no other way to put across the topic i wanna discuss. Just leave me out with those unnecessary comments k? I dun need one more thing to upset my self any further.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

And so...

I finally realized that blogger is not compatible with my PC at home. I simply cannot blog anymore on my home PC. That will means i will have to write less entries since i cannot blog at home now.. Wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The tiring week is finally over, at least the teaching part is. But i still have lotsa other stuffs to complete..

Well, tmr is the day to celebrate! Since we are going to dance.. And Ray, you better come too for i'm not carrying your birthday present back home!!!

YY says her present for me is big.. Hmmm.. I hope it is not a soft toys.. I'm kinda drowning in my soft toys liao... I have so many that i do not know how to keep them and i have the habit of keeping every present ever given to me. My sister had gotten a few big ones on her birthday and we are just looking at them and having a headache because we do not know what to do with them.. Haa..

S asked what should she buy for me... I told her anything that will make me more slim or take away my tummy! If not.. A car would be good.. Handsome and rich boyfriends sound nice too.. SEE! So many choices leh.. You take your pick what you wanna get for me lor.. Haha...

Ok, ok, now for some serious writing...


I'm getting a little bit depressing lately and i'm even more short-tempered than usual. Maybe it is the lack of sleep or maybe things in school are getting me down. I just felt frustrated. I feel as though i no longer have time for myself to reflect and think. I felt like life is just about rushing and rushing. I felt like i'm not appreciated in school where i din even heard a thank you being thrown my way. I felt like just skipping school and stay at home to find my peace. I felt like beating the crap out of those lousy classes. I felt like saying loudly that the school sucks!

I felt like quiting..

The first time in 2 years that i felt that i wanna give up.

I felt that the school is punishing me by making me taking so many challenging classes. I felt that i have been treated unfairly. For weeks, i have only slept for not more than 3 hours a day, even on weekends, trying to get the papers out. Mind you, some of the papers are not even in the original schedule but was suddenly pushed to me.

One would have thought that the other would appreciate since she was doing things that is not within her job area. But WRONG!

I have admitted at many times that my biology sucks. I did not even take O Level biology.. I'm trying my best to read up and even harder on setting the papers. Why must you take every opportunity to humilate me on the fact that my biology question are not up to your standard? They are only low sec kids! How would they know upper sec bio stuffs. I'm not the only teacher who doesn't have a background on bio. There are others. Why always pick on me you jerk! Because i'm new? Is that why?

I hate everything in this school. Wish i'm somewhere else...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I'm so tired from all the setting of exam papers. The setting part was already bad, but to make it worse, i have to change some of the papers for 10 times because the person who verify it couldn't make up their mind. Why is it necessary to let so many people vet through before i can print the exam papers? Some are not even my CS trained.

I'm simply too tired to even keep my eyes open now.. Think i should just go home and sleep now.

Monday, October 03, 2005

A belated wish.. Wishes actually..

Stupid blogger..

I had actually wanted to post an entry to wish both my sister and YY happy birthday. But somehow, i couldn't enter the site till now and it is already the 2nd of Oct..

Nevermind, let it be belated then.

To my dearest sisiter,


You are finally old enough to make decision legally liao. Keep your eyes wide open and make wise decision on certain matters. Just remember, you still have me. So come irritates my ears with your voice! Haha..

To dear YY,


I shall not reveal your age here since it is every woman's secret. You have been a great friend for the past one year. I think the best thing that came out of NIE is our friendship. It will be something that i will always treasure.

Okies, finished wishing liao...

Now let's talk about this fri. Anyone on to meet up and celebrate two pretty ladies' birthday?