Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Friday, October 20, 2006

Thank You!

I felt honoured that Ray-san just done the Blag. More honoured when he said that it is a blag worth doing.

Thank you.

At least now i know Ray-san still reads my blog and maybe so do the rest of the gang.

It was a sad day cos it is promotional day. The day where the fate of one is decided. Does he goes up with the rest or does he has to remain behind? I was rather upset that i have to leave two of them behind but it might be the best for the two of them. So i shall wish them luck.

It is really a hazard to be so emotional when you are in my line.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Smile! You are on camera =>

I'm a real coward when it comes to the dentist. Maybe it is those little trips to the dentist office during my primary school days that still huants me. How could i forget the evil-looking nurse that always make my teeth bleed during cleaning. How i had always wish the other nurse would work on me but alas because of my index number, i was doomed.

It is probably the first time on ANTM history that they let a girl with teeth like joanie on the show.

I was trying to find one that shows her teeth but it was obvious that that kind of photo probably don't exist.

For people who are confused, she had what we would call as the vampire tooth. Yes, just like me. For ages, i'd been asked if i would fix that tooth to obtain the perfect smile. For ages, i have thought about it but am just too chicken to do anything about it. The idea of sitting in a dentist's office and allow her to pull off any of my teeth is horribly frightening. That is not to mention how much work needs to be done on my mouth and how many weeks or months do i have to live in agony and pain. Finally the amount of money needed to get my prefect smile.

Like Joanie, i have practised in front of the mirror on the type of smile where i don't have to show my tooth. But somehow that had made me look extremely arrogant on photo. I longed to be able to smile widely and show off beautifully and prefectly alined teeth.

Does that tooth affect me? Of course it does. Imagine been laughed at all the times when you are young because you looked 'different'. However, i have come to term with my teeth and the fact that i probably would look like this for the rest of my life, not be able to show my teeth on photo. I had even joked that it would probably be very easy to spot me if there is an air-accident because i have such unique teeth.

Maybe one day when i finally decide i'm rich and brave enough, i would probably get my tooth fix. Meanwhile, i will stick to just smiling on photo.

Sunday, October 15, 2006


Got tagged by KJ.

1) Name the last person you just asked to go out:
No one. But KJ asked me out which by now you all should have know that I turned him down. Anyway, KJ, I know you asked YY first but she turned you down as well. Haha..

2) Name an activity that you wish you're doing right now
Dancing! Whether is it Salsa, Lindy or just going to Zouk to chiong.

3) Name 10 people that you are thankful for in this life
a) My parents. Despite everything, I would be nothing without them.
b) My sister. Although she can be willful, and spoilt at times, she is still my one and only sister.
c) GH. Thanks for being there to listen to me patiently and support me emotionally.
d) My NIE gang! NIE life would be plain boring if I hadn’t met you guys. You guys made me enjoyed the one year so much, even with all the endless assignments.
e) My NUS friends. Especially to KT and HG, who were there all the times at my lowest point.
f) My JC friends who showed me what is real friendship and saved me from my introvert self.
g) My colleagues (a few only though). Thank you for being there and stand up for me when I were stabbed in the back. And all the gossips that we shared at the lounge.
h) BK. Thank you for never failing to cheer me up when I’m down. Thank you for the silly coconut song and playing my fav tune on the piano for me. That meant a lot to me.
i) Basically i just wanna thank everyone. Whether it is the good or the bad, it makes me who i'm today.

YY actually told me that there is a motive behind this tag which i'm profusely thinking what could it be.

Anyway, i wanna tag the disappearing ray-san!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Being on the wrong side?


I have no idea that the year is almost over. It's seem to be only yesterday when i secretly laughed to myself that i'd one more year to go before i hit the 'era' which was described by YY as being on the wrong side of the 20s.

Since that dreadful day is coming soon, i decided to dedicate this entry to me. Not that i'm narcissist but i simply wanna tell my story. All right, maybe not a story but more like bits and pieces of my overwork mind.

Before i start, let me side-track a bit. I always thought it is amusing how i can compose a long blog entry when i was bathing or on a bus journey but never in front of the computer. It seems like all the inspirations that i get will disappear whenever i touch the keyboard.

What was i going to talk about?

Oh yes. About myself.

It is not that i hate my current life. There is nothing to hate about, except for the awful working environment, family stress. Otherwise, i consider myself to be fortunate. I have a decent paycheck to pay for my shopping, my facial, my indulgent.

But my life is a little dull at the moment.

Work --> Home --> Work

I'm barely keeping in contact with my friends except for those working in my office and YY. I thought it is sad when you are bored at home and realised that you had no one to call cos you haven't been replying. I do not mean that i had no friends. I do have friends. Lots, in fact. But i still feel lonely. Sometimes, i just wish that there will be someone whom i can talk to when i'm down or when i have a terrible secret that i can't tell my friends but him.

As i grow older, romance is a thing of the past. I dreamt of a little excitments. Like that time that i received a bouquet of flowers when i was doing lab or the time where someone came and sang birthday song under my block or the time where someone would just play my favourite tune on the piano over the phone. I missed being loved.

It is not that i'm not being loved. I have people around me who cares deeply about me but i wish that they would show it to me from time to time.

I wish i had someone who sees me as the most fascinating person in world, who listens to my every word, who doesn't put me down or make me feel stupid or inferior because i do not have a good degree to my name.

I wish to have that someone who doesn't think that i'm being shallow because i cannot hold a conversation about current affairs or some deep, uninteresting topics which i had not even heard of.

I wish i had someone who doesn't laugh at me when i did something wrong but to encourage me and smile at me.

I wish i had someone who calls when i sick and bring me porridge.

I wish i had someone who holds me to sleep every night and tells that i do not need to be sad, angry or frustrated over work because that is not important as being together is the most important.

I wish to have a simple reunion dinner the next CNY because i had not have one with my family since.. i also do not know how long ago was that. I could not even remember when was the last time we all shared a table.

I wish to have a home where i can return to after work, feeling peaceful and quiet.

I had a lot of things that i wish. There are a list of things i do not wish.

I do not wish to play stupid office games or politics where i cannot even trust a single soul to bare my heart to. Is it really fun to put people down even though it doesn't make you look good. Why are people so obsessed with finding faults in others? Is it because it really makes us feel better with ourselves?

I do not wish to work in an environment where everyday is a torture. Where waking up to work is a torture, where using the printer is a torture or the photocopy machine because people do not know about basic simple manners like flushing after you have finished using the toilet or clear up the stupid jam that you have caused while using the photocopy machine or replacing the printing papers that you have been stealing from us because you are too lazy to draw a ream for yourself.

I do not wish to be in a profession where the stakeholders treated you like a slave, the mangement treated you like commodities, like you are supposed to die working, where the youngsters are very very rude and doesn't treat you with manners.

I do not wish to go to work and realised that i had aged at least 10 years.

I do not wish to go back to the one place that i call home, only to see my parents fighting over some small matters, which is usually money. I had enough of seeing them fighting for the whole of my life.

I do not wish to see the look on my mom's face when i told her i cannot afford to give her more every month.

I do not wish to go back home anymore, just to be nag at, scold and be more frustrated after a hard day at work where i had being scolded and nag at.

I do not wish to go back home and being called as a good-for-nothing by my own parents.

In fact, there are times where i do not even wish that i'm alive. Cos it can be so painful just to pretend to other people that i'm happy, that i'm a pampered spoilt kid. It kills me even more when people show off to me unintentionally that they have a happy family, one where they can smile everyday.

I do not wish to sit in front of this computer and wonder why am i typing this entry and how pathetic that i am because i cannot just call a friend and start crying out loud.

I do not wish to be constantly asked by friends if i'm ok if i decide to publish this entry because i do not know how to answer them. I don't think i have ever been ok.

I do not wish to be told by people that i can try again the next when i had given all my best, only to realise that giving your best is not enough to get what you want.

So what do i want for my birthday. I do not need cards, presents or cakes. I just want to be smile for 24 hours straight in a day for the first time in my life, if that is ever possible.

Wow! That was a long entry and honestly i do not think anyone would actually finish it. But if you do, i thank you for your patience and that i'm really just being a little emotional and tomorrow i would be fine again. It has always been, isn't it?

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Go away


This proves to be an extremely difficult week for both the teachers and the students. Especially when the EOY is just around the corner, not to mention that they had taken two papers.

Work proves to be extremely frustrating as well. People just don't realise how difficult it can be to be the form teacher of a difficult class. I feel like screaming to them to stop complaining to me how bad my class and starts taking charge of them. I mean hello! What do you expect me to do? I have punished, spoke to them about undesired behaviour in class but i felt that as a teacher if you can't do something about it, you should reflect too. Running to me at the first sight of trouble is plain idiotic. I have my fair share of difficult classes. I too report to the FT but i TAKE actions myself.

Don't blame me for the way my class turns out. My Co-form and i had tried our best. Blame those people high up who didn't want to hand out punishment to them.

I'm so tired. Just wanna run away from my work. Maybe i should take MC. Oh wait, i can't because the number of MCs is counted toward performance grades.

I wonder if FT of difficult get extra credits?

Yah i wish. Real hard.

Life sucks. School sucks more!