Just like the million others who is living under the same sky, I'm just trying to find that significant one to write my own fairy tale stories...

Thursday, February 23, 2006


Feburary marks the arrival of NIE practicum trainees.

It's always exciting to have new blood in the school, it brings spices to the if not boring school life. To make things more interesting, one of the trainees happens to be my JC classmates. Speaking about coincidence. What a small world it is. I'm trying to psycho him to stay in the school so that we can have a male chemistry teacher (FIY, we have 4 female chem teachers here) to help us do things.. Hee hee..

It has been a hell of a mad rush since the beginning of the term and things have only started to wind down abit. At least now i have the time to actually sit infront of my comp and type this blog. Sometimes, i felt so defeated by the workload. Makes me feel as though i'm only living for the work. Yucks! I need shopping therapy. Anyone interested?

3 more weeks to a long rest. Period.

Anyone want to tell me something about me that i do not know? =)

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Sleeping Beauty

Recently, i'm very jealous of sleeping beauty. For she has all the time in the world to sleep for a hundred years and yet i only have 3 max hours every night. How unfair can it be...

KJ comments that he stay in school till 7pm daily to finish his work.. Sigh..

I stayed in school till 6.30pm everyday except for thurday and when i go home, i have to stay up till late night preparing for my lesson and my weekend is burnt on setting tests after tests. I haven't really been out shopping for dunno how long! I have not seen orchard road nor major shopping centre since the start of the school. Yet, i still can't finish my work. HOW? KJ, how? Someone help me!

All thanks to ppl who keep pushing their workload to me. Makes me feel like using the vagarity on them.

I'm already struggling to get the common test papers out before next week and here my CCA teacher-in-charge can come to me last minute and asked me to write a report plan for both the dance CCA and submit tomorrow. Can you imagine? It is due tomorrow and yet she only tells me now. And why must i be the one to write? Whatever happens to her favourite? She cannot write is it? Just a fucker. She has time to go out and shop and meet her friends, so why can't she contribute something to the CCA. Does she knows that while she is happily enjoying herself out, i'm doing the shit for her. Whatever happens to my free time? Why is she so damn selfish?

Cool down. Cool down.

Arrgh! I can't cool down! Feel like slapping her idiotic face. No, make that the two of them.

I hate this world.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Friday 's thoughts

Still kinda drain from the busy schedule that i'm having. Sometimes i really wonder how does the rest does it? I'm so overcome with the workload. KJ, could you kindly share with me how you handle being the SH and still teach so many classes?

At the beginning, i dreaded having a senior teacher as my co-form cos i thought that there willbe many restrictions. But i spoke too early. She was actually very nice to me. Encouraging me and gave me a lot of useful advises on how to handle a form class and how to be a better teacher. You cannot imagine how grateful i'm when she spoke to me in such a nice tone. No reprimending, no scolding nor finger-pointing. Just a simple conversation, and it felt so comfortable. Now, if only all senior teachers can speak to people in this way. In the first place, i cannot understand why a teacher would wanna scream at another teacher? Seniority does not give one the right to do that. Anyway, my co-form spoke to me cos she says she can observe that i'm pretty stressed up and stuffs.

On a side note, i'm supposed to bring my girls out for dance performance but i wasn't informed that i'd duties to do as well. She had just told me that she wanted me to be in charge of the sound system again. Once again, i was only informed at the last minute and expected to form. I can sense a round of screaming coming my way at the PA later. Sigh..Why do i have to lead this kind of life where i get scolded every single day. I'm no longer a kid am i? This is so bad for my mental health. How biased can one get? Why is it that someone's "cannot do, cannot go" is accepted while the rest is rejected?

I have always like Friday cos it is the day where i only face my lower sec students. Sigh.. Somehow, my relationship with my upper sec classes remain to be improved.

Ok, i gotta go for the announcement of the O'Level results.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Urgent Notice!

The management at the Cindirella's Network is regret to inform the public that the reality show 'Saucy Salsa Singapore', nicked SSS, is going to be canned with effect of 9th Feburary.

The reason cited is as given,
  1. The contestants are not bitchy enough (this weakens the plot, doesn't it?)
  2. The rating is not good enough.
  3. The female lead had resigned from her role, and we couldn't find anyone better to replace her. (What we meant is that we couldn't find anyone else who is more bitchy than her..)

With that, we hoped everyone had enjoyed the show while it lasted and pleased continue to support our network as we will definitely continue to produce quality show.

Thank you.

The management

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Office politics

I have been feeling very low recently.

I know some feel that the salsa incident is a small thing but it is how one treat me that makes me feel uncomfortable about it. When i feel uncomfortable about something, i tend to run away from it.

There are too many politics in the school. I have never been one who is able to play with office polities and i hate it. Can't one just do its duty and be rewarded according to capablilty?

I never know why she doesn't like me but she isn't abit subtle about showing her dislikeness to me. She (let's call her M) can speak to everyone nicely but she cannot even speak to me without showing me her black face. I spoke to someone about this and they say she is just like that. Really? I seriously doubt so. I tried be nice to her, greeting her during morning and make conversation. But everytime, i was rewarded with more unpleasant behaviour. So i gave up. Why should i try so hard to please someone who don't even deserve it. But it is very difficult to ignore someone whom you has to work side by side with. It doesn't make things better when the main teacher-in-charge practise favourism. Ok, so she has to study but i have my fair load of work to do too. We are both getting full pay aren't we? It is even more irritating when these work came at the last minute and i'm expected to put everything down to complete it. Failure will bring about a round of scolding from the main teacher-in-charge. I felt like screaming her and tell her that it is my responsibilty to begin with and i'm getting reprimended because someone else cannot do it? A typical example would begin with the main teacher-in-charge coming over to my desk, drops me the work and demand that i do it now and pass it back to her immediately. There was once she wants me to get some form sign by a HOD for both the CCA (including M's share, of course) and she wants me to go get it sign immediately. This is a very unreasonable request. 1st, i'm doing my work and she just walk over and expects me to drop everything. I'm not exactly not having anything to do. 2nd, it is not easy to get the HOD after school cos sometime they left the school for official business. I was made to run around the whole school hunting for him because she cannot give it to me early. If i don't manage to get these form signed, it would be another round of hostile behaviour from the main teacher-in-charge. The worst part was that she actually bad-mouthed me to the students, stating that im irrespnsible, uncapable and simply unable to do anything right. WHAT?! How can i do thing right when it was only just given to me without much instructions? What am i supposed to be? Superwoman? If i'm one, i would be the first to give her a slap and still gets away with it.

When she has a meeting, i'm the 1st one to reach while the rest had forgotten abt it and guess what? I got scolded cos the rest forgot to come and i happen to be there. My fault? I told her that she had informed the rest for the wrong day for the rehearsal and guess what? I was scolded again. For what? I really don't why this is my fault. She got me so pissed that i refused to do more than my duty for the CCA. Why should i anyway when in the end i got blame for everything.

M, upon gaining support from the main teacher-in-charge, becomes worse. She would not even come to me and request my help. She would simple dump it on my desk or pass it to the teacher-in-charge who will pass it to me. What is her problem as well? Do i have the word "assistant' craved on my forehead? She may be a nice person to some people but she is b**** to me and one with capital B.

It is these incidents that caused me to have a breakdown in the staffroom, not long ago. I simply cannot take it anymore. Why do i have to bear with all the hostile treatments? Why did i do wrong? I can touch my heart and say proudly that i have NEVER even screw up any of her project if i was given reasonable time for it. Now, i'm just trying to stay as far away from her as possible. She can go take it out on her favourite. As for M, she will soon realise that i can be a bigger b**** than she can ever image.

When i was trying to recover from all these, the salsa incident happens which brings my mood even lower and honestly i don't think i would want to talk to Guy A anytime soon.

When i thought may be the worst is over, another has to come to remind me that it is not over.

Every teacher is expected to submit suggestions which we call it as EWSS. During conversation, i spoke to a few colleagues about the suggestions that i have and which i wanna submit. But i did not manage to do so cos i don't even have proper resting time whenever i'm sitting in fornt of my desk. Colleague S, whom i'm pretty close with, asked me how to submit a suggestion to EWSS and i taught her. Later i asked her what kind of suggestions had she make. She replied that she suggested this and that. And it shocked me. Half of the suggestions that she had made, is mine. The very suggestions that i have told her about. I remain quiet as i do not know how to react. Should i confront her and ask her if she did it purposely or she really had forgotten that i was the one who told her about what i wanna suggest? In the end, i decided to let it go. As hurt as i felt, i really treasured her friendship. She had done really nice gestures for me and i really appreciate it a lot. As much as i wanna forget about this incident, i don't think i will be able to speak freely in her prescence as i used to.


Is there more coming for me?

Saturday, February 04, 2006

What an idiot...

I thought it was over. Really.. But i felt that if i don't say something, it is getting more and more out of hand.

It was supposed to be a simple case of miscommunication. Is it?

It is only dance partner. We are not choosing our life partners here are we? Frankly, i believed that if i really want it, i can aced that examination no matter who i'm partnering. Ok, sounds arrogant but really, i do think so.

I registered for the dance exam because i want to know how good i'm at it. It is difficult to know your own standard in the classroom. The best way is to take the exam isn't it?

Usually, during lesson i only dance with 3 person, not because of anything but simply because i thought they are the better dancers. If i wanna improve, i felt that i need a good partner. But that doesn't mean anything, does it?

I get a little bit mad when people speaks for me without asking me. I get even more angry when people assume things without even clarifying from me. Did i say i must have him as my partner for the exam? No. Did i say i am angry cos he does not want to partner me? No.

But i'm angry, not at the partnering but more at what was being said.

I don't actually wanna blog about this incident but now i felt i have to say something for myself. But before i say anything, i have to ask.. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?????

Maybe it is my last entry that started everything so let me explain it.

"Suddenly i was without a dance partner"
That was because Guy A says his partner is Gal A and Guy B says his partner is Gal A, which seems to mean that who is going to be my partner? For a moment i thought i must be a damn lousy partner, that's why no one wants to partner me.. However, it was only a misunderstanding and it is not because of me (and i thought there is something wrong with me).

"Suddenly i found one again"
Since Guy A wants Gal A to be his dance partner, that means Guy B had to partner me, right? So i asked him if he mind partnering me (because he is always partnering with Gal A most of the time and she is better in steps than me). I was really afraid he would say no, that would really mean i'm lousy. But he said, it is his pleasure to partner me. So, yeah! I'm not that lousy till no one wants to partner me, so i found my own dance partner.

This should be the end of the story right? Hell no.. It so happen that i was sick on the day where there is dance class and so i sms everyone the same msg that they have to master the steps and teach me (cos so much will be taught in a lesson and i will miss so much!!!).

Guy B replied, 'No problem, we will teach you'. Normal msg.

Gal A replied, 'Are you ok?'. Normal msg (*smile* It is nice to know that someone cares for you).

Guy A replied, 'Sure. Don't worry. Guy B will teach you'. I was stunned for a while. There seems to be an underlying meaning in this msg or am i being too imaginative?? So i sent another msg to test if it is my imagination working overtime. But the replied he sent back is definitely tells me that i'm not thinking too much.

Now, i'm furious! Let me clarify. I'm NOT desperate to dance with him and i definitely don't look at him in a strange way. Kaoz! Like that i also look at many people in a strange way lor. If that is the case, then i'm very busy liao. I didn't say anything because i thought it is pointless to rebuke (i've been through so many of this kind of experience) and eventually people will get bored of it and find other target. Maybe that is a wrong move cos it seems to send the wrong signal to other people that i'm admitting it.

So let me say it here once and for all. I don't like him and i'm not desperate for him to dance with me. Don't insult Guy B can? He is as good as Guy A in every way. What makes Guy A think he is so special that i must dance with him? Huh? Huh? If he looks like Lee Hom, maybe still so. What is he trying to tell me and other people? That i shouldn't habour hopes about dancing with him and he doesn't want to dance with me? What an idiot. Really. The more i'm blogging now, the more angry i gets.


Ok, i felt better now. Mr A, have you ask me if i wanna dance you or you just assume that i must dance with you cos i'm desperate to dance with you? Please, oh please? If you think so, please kindly jump down from the tallest building in singapore. *roll eyes* I cannot be bother to talk to people who think that they are so great. The same goes to anyone who is thinking that i'm carrying a torch for them (whoever you are).

The only thing that i want now is my promotion! I'm working so hard all because of this. Of course, if i don't have lovable students, i probably won't be able to last so longer.. Sobz..

Anyway, now that i have say this out, it probably is going to cause some trouble or maybe major one. But, i can't care more now. If i remain silent, it would seem like he is right.

So, Mr A. I know you don't wanna dance with me and it is ok. But it is not ok that you put me in such a light to other people.

If there are only 2 pieces of cake left, i would ask my friend to take both. Cause i never really like to eat cake anyway.

I had always like ice cream better.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Suddenly, i was without a partner for my salsa exams.

Suddenly, i found one again.

Thanks my 'knight' for partnering me but you know a princess can have only one knight (or many??) and the place is taken up by J (unless he wanna retire..), so... You can be my prince charming lar! Haha..

Talking rubbish again..

The best medicine?

Where is the good old days where you can just go to a doctor and must be sure that you can trust the medicine that they gave out?

For the past 5 months, i have been plagued by my gastric problem and every month i have to report to the doctor regarding this problem. But nothing seems to have fixed it. When i went to a doctor yesterday for medicine, instead of getting better, i got worse. The pain is unbearable.. As the doctor didn't issue me a MC, i assume that the medicine would not cause any problem. SO wrong, i couldn't see last night because of the pain and a a result, i have to miss both school and my dance class today. I really couldn't trust the medicine anymore and went to another doctor who doesn't really convince me neither.. Sigh..

It feels awfully to be staying at home and not being able to do anything.. I must really take care of my health.. Now someone tell me how to relieve my stress...