Goodbye Lee Kuan Yew, our beloved founding father

I woke up to a different Singapore this morning. A Singapore without Lee Kuan Yew. He passed away at 3.18am on 23rd March 2015. 

I was expecting it but when I heard the news, I am still overwhelmed with sadness. Ever since news of him been critically ill surfaced, the nation is torn. On one hand, we wished for him to celebrate SG50 with us. On the other hand, we wished for him to suffer less and to have a good death. 

My eyes swelled up with tears when I watched the telecast of PM Lee addressing the nation about the death of his father. It is almost unbearable to watch him holding back his tears as he speaks. At that moment, it struck me that he isn't just our PM. He is also a grieving son who had just lost his beloved father and perhaps a mentor that he had looked up to his whole life. 

A friend commented on Facebook that he don't think the sorrows of those who mourns him are real except perhaps for the Lee's family members. I disagree. Just because you don't feel the same, that doesn't mean our sadness wasn't. Our grief is real. Our sorrows are real. At least I know mine are real. We may not be his family members in blood but that does not mean we won't be sad by his passing. Mr Lee Kuan Yew had became a grandfather figure (at least to people of my generation) that we had grown up with and loved. 

I haven't imagine a Singapore without him before. Yes, I know he won't live forever but the idea of him not being around just never come into my mind before. Why would I? He seems to be always there for Singapore when we need him. What is going to happen now? I am not sure. 

One thing that I am sure of is that we will pass on his legacy. I hope my children and grandchildren would love and respect him like the way I do. 

For now, the nation is mourning and will continue to do so for a long time.

Goodbye Mr Lee Kuan Yew. May you rest in peace.

Year 2012

Procrastination is a scary thing. Before you know it, days had became months and months became years. I looked at my last posted entry and it was dated 13th Oct 2011, just before I turned 30. Fast forward to almost 2 years later, here I am. I had actually wanted to post again but I just kept telling myself later. Sometimes, there is no later. I thought of discarding my blog and start a new one but I realized I am too attached to it to do so. Therefore I shall start my new post talking about 2012. 2012 is a strange year for me. I had experienced extreme joy and sadness. What's the joy? My daughter was born. I never knew being a mother could be so fulfilling until I became one. Although I had less time to myself, it doesn't seem to matter. Just when I thought I am on heaven, I made a discovery so shocking to me that it changed my world forever. I became someone else after the incident. I went from living in heaven to dropping to hell. But I decided enough is enough. I don't wish to live in sadness anymore. Thus on the anniversary of the day that changed my life, I decided to let it all go and be a happier person from this point on. Till then, I will try not to procrastinate. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Hitting the BIG 3-0

L babe posted an interesting question to me just now. She asked me if I am in denial about tomorrow. "Why would I be?" I asked her back. "Because you are turning 30 tmr?"

I thought about it and realized that I was actually feeling pretty fine about it. After all, age is but another number. Of course, like all women in the world, I had still wish that I could be younger, prettier and slimmer. There is also this nagging thought in my mind that I'm no longer young and that I should start a family soon. But I just seemed to have so much more that I had wish to achieve before being tied down.

I guess for now, I'm just going to enjoy the last few moments of being in my 20s.

Marriage and Money

Recently I read in a magazine article that there was a 26 years old who spend thousand odd dollars on a small jar of skincare product every 6 months. I was amazed, not by the amount of money that the 26 years old had spent but the fact that it was paid for by her husband. In fact, I often wonder how do these girls do it?

I am not a materialistic girl looking to marry a rich husband. I am perfectly fine with earning and spending my own money. However, sometimes, I just couldn't help but wonder if the amount of money that a man is willingly to spend on a woman is tied to how much he loves her. Let me quote two real life examples.

Example 1:

Woman A and her husband A who are married with 2 kids. Both of them earned equally much. Husband A gave about $200 as household chores money and insisted on spiltting the remaining amount of bills equally between them. Husband A does not want to spend a single cent extra on his wife. He even insisted that his wife should pay half the bills for the delivery fees of both children. Not surprisingly, Husband A does not help out at all with the taking care of the kids.

Example 2:

Woman B and her Husband B had been married for about 2 years with no children. Both earned equally much as well. In this case, Husband B volunteered to pay for all the bills, mortagage installment, car installment etc. Every year, they will take at least 2 overseas trips with everything paid for by the husband, even the wife shopping money. Husband B also gave his wife a sub-card for her spending locally. In short, the wife had not paid for a single thing with her own money in the 2 years that she is married.

Before you go off to say that Couple B earn more than Couple A, let me clarify that the salaries of both couples are compariable.

So, who do you think loves his wife more? Husband A or Husband B? Is it really superficial of me to think that Husband B loves his wife more?

I am not advocating that the husband should pay for everything but if he hesitate to spend a single cent on you, won't you wonder why?

Perhaps someone will be able to shed light on this issue for me.

Busy, busy, busy

Monday: School, followed by tuition
Tuesday: School, followed by tuition
Wednesday: School, followed by tuition
Thursday: School, followed by family dinner
Friday: Amore(hopefully), meeting, followed by tuition

Gosh! I felt like a full-timer for this week! So stretched...

P/S: I'm totally inspired by GQ to do paper masks every night!

人言可畏

四个很简单的字组成的成语，却有很大的影响。

一句话可以make a person, 也可以break a person. 为什么有些人就是喜欢搬弄是非？ Gossip真的那么有趣吗？ 突然间 I feel so sorry for A.

Cheer up girl!

And the Green-eye Monster Attacks!

I have just been bitten by the envy bug.

I know it is not right to compare and that would be just exactly what she wants but I just couldn't help it.

I'd just visited my sister-in-law new house. It is a great place, in a good location that is beautiful decorated by the I.D and furnished with pretty, expensive furniture. I know I sound materistic but which girl won't want to stay in a pretty house.

I remember being just as excited when I'd gotten my new house. I would pour over the I.D. magazine, thinking of how I would want to design my house. Soon, the excited turned in frustrated which eventually evolved into disappointment. I understand that we do not have a big budget for the house but I would still want to at least have some luxury items. Instead, everything is about the price. It must be cheap, cheap and cheap. Nothing else matters, not even the quality of the stuffs bought. I had to fight hard for my 47 inch TV because he deemed it as too big. WTF?!

I remember telling myself not to mind it but there are just times where I couldn't stop the feeling of wanting to scream at him. What is wrong with buying a few items at a price that may not be expensive but just isn't the pricing that we had wanted? As a result, we had to move into a house that is and still is half done. We can't really unpack our stuffs because we don't even have proper cupboard for them. As of now, I still do not have a proper place to place my bags and stuffs. The worst thing is, I have to listen to him complaining about me not unpacking my things. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO UNPACK? Where would I place them after unpacking? I hate the feeling of having to unpack, tidy, clean up the house and trying to get some of the rooms done up. I have a job. I'm not exactly slacking at home. Just because I worked part-time, does not mean that all these duties fall on me!

So yes, I'm very jealous right now but it's not due the I.D. or expensive furniture. It's is of the fact that they are moving into a house that is done. Now, that is definitely worth the money spent!

There, I had finally get it off my chest. I'm just waiting for the consequences now.

Health and Vanity

So the story goes...

I brought YY to meet GH's relative working at Amore as she mentioned that she's looking to purchase a spa package. I kept telling myself not to be tempted. However, it seem like my resistence to tempt is non-existence and I ended up signing for both the spa and fitness.

Although, I had spent a lot, I'm getting excited about returning back to amore classes. That's not to mention that I get to date YY frequently again.

Yy, be prepared to receive my SMS and calls! :)

Happy Birthday to me

How time flies!

Another year had passed since my last birthday entry. Sadly, this will be the last year of my twenties entry before the big 30 hits me.

A lot had happened within the year. I had finally left my last job, found a new one, gotten married and travel to the places that I'd been dreaming of. It is indeed a wonderful year.

I was browsing through a friend's facebook profile just days ago and saw the many birthday wishes left on her wall. I began to wonder if I would receive just as many. Now, I'm beginning to think that is a silly thought. My wall is flooded with msg! Much more than what I would have expect. I'm indeed blessed with good friends, students, a wonderful husband and a job that I like.

Turning 29 just can't be much better at this moment.

Happy 29th Birthday to myself!

Good Boss, Bad Boss

I'm sure everyone dreamt of working under the prefect boss. Someone who is understanding and a great mentor. But how many of us did actually work under a great boss.

A conversation with A today sent a chill down my spine that the once our Boss can be such a person. This makes me wonder what does the boss treat the subordinates as? Working machines, slaves or human beings who have their needs? When will the Boss ever learn that its perception does not equate to others perception? Why are some being punished (in my opinion) just because family comes first? Or what is so wrong in taking and using the benefits that the company has offered to its staffs? If they are not legitimate, why are they being offered?

I'm actually pretty glad to have make my choice last year as I can say that I had not made the wrong decision. I may not be working under the prefect boss right now but it is definitely a big improvement.

At the very least, I can say 'Family comes first' and it always will.

So don't feel sad A. You did nothing wrong. It will only get better from here onwards!

Testing my iPhone app!

Can this really be publish?

The 'Julie & Julia' movie

The cover of the DVD says it is the 'feel good movie of the year' and since it is always nice to have a little 'feel good' aspect on a normal, if not boring, day off, I pick it off the shelf.

The movie moves along the storylines of Julia Child and Julie Powell who seem to have a lot in common where actually Julie is nothing like Julia. Both are seemingly lost at some point of their life and do not know what they would want to do about it. Both had used cooking as a way to find what they had wanted in life. But that's it. The similarities ended there. The movie had tried to make us believe that Julie is like a modern version of Julia but there is nothing further from the truth.

Julia Child potrayed by Meryl Streep is a joyous character to watch. She is funny, charming and loving all at the same time. She makes one feel that cooking could be the best thing ever. She doesn't give up but instead strives to be better when being told that she has no talent for cooking. She stands out (literally with her height!) among the men in her Le Cordon Bleu cooking class. You could feel her passion in both life and cooking and could thus share her joy when her cook book is finally being published.

Julie Powell potrayed by Amy Adams, on the other hand, is a difficult character to watch. She whines and whines and whines all the time. It just seem as if she feel that the whole world owes her somethings and take it for granted when one try to please her. I absolutely hate it in the movie where Julie screams at her husband when she failed at a recipe where the poor man had done so much for her. It makes me wonder if the current generation of women behave like Julie Powell. Are we a self-centred bitch like her?

There was a scene in the movie where Julie went to a lunch with a bunch of 'supposedly' good friends and she hates it. Probably because these so-called friends weren't talking about anything happy except to show off their career achievement or about topics that no one else could relate to except for them. Don't we encounter people like this from time to time?

It does seem like the younger generation is all about seeking attention when we post about ourselves on our blogs or facebook or anywhere in the cyber space. Is it really like what the Julie character had said in the movie "It is all about ouselves"?

To put it all, the movie is a wonder only if you are obssessed with cooking and able to put up with whining. Sadly, it is not that Amy Adams is a bad actress but it is just too bad that she has to play an entirely flawed character.

I'm back!

Well, i'm not exactly gone but I have been missing from this little space for 6 months. I simply decided to stop writting and take a break because it is getting too depressed to blog about the unhappy things.

A lot of things had happened in the past 6 months.

I had quited my job, gotten married, moved into my new house and finally started on my new job. I don't really feel like blogging in details about everything. Maybe i'll just leave it for the next post.

Meanwhile, the June holidays had come and go in a flash. It is a little bit weird that the holiday ain't going to last for a whole month but then again, I never did get 4 weeks of holiday in the past. It is always the same thing of 2 weeks of extra classes and 1 week of meetings and stuffs. Thus, it was a refreshing change that I have absolutely nothing to do in these two weeks except to purely enjoy the holiday. There is no lesson preparation to worry about or any 'project' that must be rushed during the holiday. The only thing I have worried about for the whole 2 weeks is to wonder what to have for lunch.

It's a good feeling and I finally feel that I have been liberated.

Whatever Happens To...

... my passion and my dream for my profession?

A colleague of mine posted this video on FB.





I could still remember the times in NIE where i joked and shared what i want to do when i graduated from NIE. I could still remember so clearly of the things that i wanna do to inspire the young minds.

Sadly, all i could do now is to remember that it had once dawned on me that i had wanted to be a good educator.

I honestly could not remember the details on how everything had happened and why am i surviving everyday at work instead of loving it. I could not remember what i had done to make myself an outcast in school and why there will be people who could viciously backstab others to achieve their own goals. I could not understand how these people could live without guilt on their behaviour.

I honestly do not know how to say goodbye to my students that i had grown so fondly to. I'm never good with goodbye.

I just hoped that i could keep my tears back when i bid them goodbye.

On Turning 28...

What a difference a year can make!

I can still remember the unsettling feeling of turning 27 and how I had spent an entire entry writing out my uneasy emotions. But it is kinda different for this year.

Maybe 27 is really an awkward age because I do not feel anything like what I had felt last year on my birthday. There is no unsettling feeling of growing old and surprisingly, I actually embraced turning 28. Although, it does not change the fact that the BIG 30 is still approaching but I think I will take it in my stride.

It hasn’t been an easy year. There are a lot of downs but the experience had made me learnt to see things positively even when the situation seemed to be hopeless. I had definitely grown, both physically and emotionally.

I may not be the ‘sweet young thing’ anymore but I have gained experiences that are unknown to the ‘sweet young things’. Maybe when I hit the big 30, I would have morphed into a mature and sophisticated lady.

So here I am, announcing to the world that I have officially turned 28 and not feeling an ounce of unhappiness.

Happy 28th Birthday to myself!

I’m so gonna buy a big present to reward myself! Haha!

The Random Post

There are a few random thoughts that have been going through my mind recently.

Thought number 1:

I have just been very tired recently. I wonder if it is due to the wedding preparation, the overseeing of the renovation of the new house, the workplace or the fact that I have not taken a vacation this June. Or maybe I’m just getting older.

I think I need a break. I’m looking forward to the days of doing nothing and just slacking around.


Thought number 2:

Over a causal swim with YY the other day, she mentioned that one of the perk of this job is that we get to manage our time. I can’t help but wonder how many of us actually feel this way.

There are holiday and I enjoyed them of course. But sometimes, even the holidays are short-lived. Then there are holiday where you have to work, making you wonder if it even is a holiday.

I envy YY. Not that I feel that she is very free but I just wonder how she is able to go overseas even during the short one week break. In my work place, going away during the short break is a big ‘No No’. Is that the difference between teaching in JC and secondary school? Or maybe I just have very poor time management?

I’m so gonna travel when the days come. Or maybe I’m just happy enough to get out of the clutch of the boss who disagrees with traveling and making it sounds like a crime.

Blah. I’m complaining.


Thought number 3:

I have been very lucky in mahjong lately. And I mean really lucky. I have been winning almost every game that I played.

Maybe I should buy Toto and keep my finger crossed that I will win.

I’m daydreaming again…

Happy Teacher's Day!

A happy teacher's day to all my teacher friends.

I had a great teacher's day celebration.

I went totally crazy to put on my old school uniform and took a lot of crazy and stupid photo while i was in them. Till now i wonder where i find the courage to do it especially in front of my students. That action probably destroyed my stern image that i had in front of my kids but it was fun nonetheless. I'm still feeling a little high on the fun that i had yesterday. Something that i had not done or experienced in a long time. I feel kinda sad that this will probably be the last time that i will be celebrating teacher's day with the kids. I will miss them definitely.

Just read a post from a fellow colleague's blog. C mentioned in the post on how the amount of gifts received used to bother her, how it made her wonder if that made her less of a teacher as compared to the rest who received much more. I felt a little shameful to admit that i used to feel the same way too especially when i was a rookie teacher. Honestly, it sucks to be receiving less things than some others. It is worse when those some others seemed to be rubbing it in your face intentionally or unintentionally.

However, over the years, the uncertain feeling changed. I no longer placed emphasis on the amount of gift but who and what i received. I still keep almost all the stuffs that i had received except for the food stuffs of course. The presents reminded me of why i joined the profession but it also reminded me on why i had needed to leave. I really need a break from the crazy workload to find that passion again.

This year, my favourite gift is a card that came from a class of students. A class that the management had claimed that i was not a good enough teacher for them and that the class find me incompentent too. But in the card, on every single note were words of encouragement. All the little notes that hold the promise of them to try their best to score well for the examination is just heart-warming.

Whatever, the rest may say, i'm just glad that my kids find it otherwise.

All in all, it was a great Teacher's Day for me. The msgs from all the current and ex-students just made it better. Maybe somewhere in the future, after the break, i will be back again to celebrate another teacher's day.

And the conversation goes like this...

I have a very colourful conversation this morning with my colleagues and it goes like this...

Colleague A: Hey B! I tried calling you for the whole of yesterday but you never pick up at all!

Colleague B: I tired not to. Afterall, Sunday is reserved for my family.

Colleague A (sacastically): I see. Somebody doesn't work on weekend, i will try to remember that.

Colleague B: In that case, don't call me from xxx time from friday onwards.

At this moment, i tried to kaypo a bit and chipped in.

Me: Aiyah, it is not a crime to not want to work on weekend, especially Sunday.

Colleague A: Well, it is for the good of the students, that is why i work on Sunday you know. I believe, it is worth it if it is for students. Plus this is my style, so if i wanna work on Sunday, then you will have to lor.

I got rather pissed off after this statement(although i admit that i'm asking for it) as i feel that she is subtly hinting that i'm not doing things for the good of my students. Plus i hate the whole "I say i want so you must listen" attitude. Plus if it is really for the good of the students, should it be done earlier rather than last minute?

Me: Wah, i didn't know you just got promoted to a rank where you can command people liao. Well, i also got my own style and that is not to pick up calls on weekend. So too bad lor i guess.

At this moment, another colleague quickly change the topic to defuse the tension building up and i start to wonder why did i even get into this conversation.

Although it does not concern me but i'm quick sick of the whole "I want and so i must get" attitude.

Why has the culture in the workplace change to such an extend that fully functional adults actually behaved like brats? Since when is it ok not to show respect to people just because they are lower in rank?

Just because Hilter is doing it does not mean it is right!

Have we all become so blind that we have failed to see and do the right thing?

If succeeding in this workplace is to be that kind of people who failed to show respect, i would rather leave. I honestly think someone needs to slap these people to wake them up.

New Insights

An unexpected conversation with a colleague shared over a busy schedule brought about new insights.

We shared about the woes faced at work, our personal life and the seemingly unknown future. I causally mentioned that a lot of people had changed upon given important task and I do not mean that they have change in a pleasant manner. Colleague L mentioned that it is not easy being at the management level especially in our workplace. L said that it is either you changed to suit Hilter or be prepared to have a re-education by Hilter. L also mentioned how the heads had chosen to keep quiet instead of speaking up for their subordinates as speaking also brought a series of bombarding from Hilter.

I feel a little upset to hear this statement. I meant I had expected that no head would dare to speak up for you once you’re in Hilter’s bad books. But it is still disheartening to hear that nonetheless. It is like you have been sentenced once Hilter disliked you and no matter what you do, it is just pointless.

We also spoke about how a few of the colleagues had planned to either to transfer our or to leave the service totally. I guess in a way, we all feel helpless to the situation that we are in, for we know we are too powerless to change anything. There is nothing else that we can do except to leave.

Suddenly, I’m glad about everything that had happened in the past seven months. At least it had given me a direction and ‘force’ me to make a decision.

I just can’t wait to surrender my card back to the garment now.

Just an update

I'm thinking of something to write but can't really thought of any. Maybe let's just talk about me.

I have been quite happy recently.

Work is still work. There are things that still suck and I still have a big D stuck on my back but i get around it. Things just seemed to be easier when you know what you want. I refused to be affected by people who don't deserve my attention.

I wonder if it is because of my new found confidence or the stars have been aligning in a good position but whatever the case is, i'm glad about it. Good things have happened and i hope i'll have more good news to share.

Till then, i'm just going to enjoy the feeling of just being happy.