I really dun wanna complain.. But it sucks when you are the only BT who had to go back to school for 2 whole weeks when the rest dun need to. The worst thing is when you realised you are not even needed! For the whole remedial session today, i'm practically just standing there looking at the students. It feels like another lesson observation. The whole time i'm wondering why am i back here? The class is not that big. Only 20 plus students and i'm sure the teacher can managed them. If the purpose is to make me observe how they are carrying out the remedial, then why do i need to observe for 2 whole long, bloody weeks?

Can anyone teach me how to get out of it??

Is there no platonic friendship?

Is there no platonic friendship between a guy and a girl? Why must there always be romance between them? I was having this conversation with one of my friends, days ago..

X: I think ABC is quite cute and he is very nice to you!
Me: So? Nice to me means must have something? Cannot be good friends is it?
X: Usually that cannot be the case lor.
Me: ....

I hate it when people say things like that. It makes me feel as if there is certain kind of expectations that i have to meet. Why should i be under this kind of stress simply because they think that someone is good for me? I'm supposed to choose for myself right? Why do some people actually think that it is a blessing that there is someone who cares a lot for you? Have it ever occurs to them that it might be something troubling especially when you dun feel the same? I have friends who told me to stop being choosy and pick the guy that is being the nicest to me. What rubbish! Can you live with someone you don't like? Maybe you all can but i definitely cannot! I won't and will not be with someone because my friends think i should or that guy is super nice to me. I have my dream on what i want my life to be and i will not give it up simply to be a good girl. If you think i'm horrible, so be it.

Maybe my expectations are too high for my own good. But if i'm the one who is going to be with that someone for my life, then i'm entitled to choose right?

To my friends, thanks for concerning but respect my views ok? To the rest, if you happen to read this, I dun like to have a shadow around. So stop being nice to me and leave me as i'm and go on with your life.

Is it me?

It has been one hell of a long and crazy day for me. I got my June holiday schedule today and i have to report back to school for 3 weeks of the holidays (almost everyday!). This is kinda depressing especially when you are only a beginning teacher. It has been 3 days and i still cannot get used to the school system, prehaps i never will. It is pretty true that new teachers get bullied (especially in my school) and the 5 of us are hoping that more teachers will be posted in but the chances are quite small.

The morning started off with one of the senior teachers requesting a short meeting with the new teachers asking us to be involved in the parents-teachers meeting. That's not the worst, the whole event ends at 9pm! I politely told the VP that i could stay till 6pm for the event but i cannot attend the seminar. He sort of asked me to just cancel what appointment i have at night (aren't that supposed to be my personal time?) and attend the stupid seminar which is on effective parenting styles?!?! I didn't give up and went to speak to the principal instead. To my surprise, she let me off readily.. Well, now if this is my responsibility i would stay there but since i have not taught any of the class, what is the point of me staying there? And from what i know, they only request the new teachers to attend the seminar while the rest of the staffs are excused.

It sucks to have this kinda feelings where i've only being in the school for 3 days and it already seemed like 3 years.. It sucks even more when most people in the school are so damn stuck-up! What is their problem??? I guess we only have the 5 of us to talk to for the next 2 years...

Lindy wasn't exactly nice today. Was a bit stressed out during the lesson. It was not easy for me to be able to attend this lesson (read the above story) so when things happened, it really get to me. Plus, i always come to Lindy to destress! Ok, i think i was pretty lousy at Lindy today (yeah, i know i'm bad but today i'm like super loser!) and i get pretty tense up especially when i was dancing with Marcus (cos he will scold me!!). Anyway, he was pretty harsh on me today
=~( and a certain statement that he made kinda hurt my pride and my character.I felt that it was pretty nasty of him to say that but then again it could be like what Yeing Yeing says, he really didn't mean it. However his statement and what later happened at the Swing Fling prompted me to do a lot of thinking. I wonder how do the guys actually see me?

Do i give people the impression that i'm very liberate? Or have i been too fun loving in my actions which results in all these problems? If you ask me, i won't know too for i have been behaving this way since i could walk. So it would be helpful if you guys could provide me with some comments.. Pretty please?

P/S: KJ! You embarrased me tonight at the dance floor!

My current school has such a stressful working environment. It is only the 2nd day of school and most of the new teachers are already low morale. Frankly, it is getting to me too. The school is gonna has a meet-the-parents session tomorrow and the whole event take places till 9pm! The teacher-in-charge actually requires the new teachers to stay for the event (which is sooooo stupid.. What can we do there???) but i politely told him that i have already got plans for tomorrow night. He was quite understanding and let me off for the event. This prompt the rest of the new teachers to not wanna go too.

During contact time today, the HOD of science was feedbacking on the nightly remedial that they had carried out this term and planned to carry out next term. Nightly remedial? What the? Does the school thinks that teachers do not deserve a life outside? I won't mind remedial in the afternoon but to have remedial till late night? I think that is simply crazy. That is not to mention that there will be normal lesson the next day. How can a teacher prepare for her lesson when she had to stay till 9pm in school everyday for remedial? We are not slaves to the school. Anyway, the HOD says that whole event is volunteering (Really? Volunteer or being volunteered?), so i shall just play by the ear.

I can't decide if i would be better off if i were to be posted back to my practicum school. The kids there are laming on why i did not go back. They said they all missed me (so sweet!). I kinda miss them too.. No actually, i missed them. That school may not have a great discipline system nor discipline kids but somehow i seemed to be more at ease over at there. This is bad.. Really bad.. I'm already thinking of posting out. Andy said he wished he were back at NBSS.

I'm still trying to think of my current school in a positive light. Let's hope nothing worst will come out...

Excuse me, are you a relief teacher?

The first day of school is not as great as i'd expected it to be. It kinda sucks not to be introduce properly to both the teachers and students. As the title suggest, most still think that i'm a relief teacher @#$%^&*

Was rather disappointed that there was NO induction program for the new teachers. Guess what? All of us had to start reliefing from the 2nd period onwards today! For god sake, we dun even know the floor plan of the school. Needless to say, i lost my way pretty much today trying to get from classroom to classroom. And i kept being mistaken as a relief teacher! The other teachers there are like trying to assign me tasks. Had this feeling that we have been thrown into the pool and were expected to find our way out.

Realised that the Science department in this school is very 'on'. In the sense that, quite a number of teachers had already approached me and expected me to take over some of their duties (Hate it!). I'd to politely tell them that i will accept what the HOD had planned for me, other than that i'm in no position to make any decision. Upon hearing that, one of the teachers asked me to come back during the june holidays and helped out with the remedial (at least the 1st 2 weeks of the holiday). I dun mind so much about going back but how to help students for remedial when i know nuts about them????? Apparently, this school has an excess of CPA teachers (8 CPA teachers and only 4 NT classes!), so the chances of me teaching CPA is really little. As my HOD had said, i most probably will be a science teacher only (is that good or bad?).

Another thing which i can NEVER get used to is the tiny small working space! I'm having only 1/4 of the space i used to have (Is this really a new school??)!!! How pathetic! I hate this kinda of working environment where everyone is working side by side on a very small table. No privacy at all...

But the best thing about the school is probably the students. They dun seemed to need much discipline, they are pretty discipline themselves. From my relief classes today, they seemed to respect the teachers there a lot. Btw, the 5 of us are expected to do relief till the end of the week till we get our timetable next term. Heard from one of my fellow beginning teachers that BT usually would not get more than 28 periods a week. Pray that this rumour is true!

Tomorrow is gonna be one long day packed with contact time. Think tomorrow we will be properly introduce to the teachers in school and hopefully i won't be asked if i'm a releif teacher anymore....

I realised I did not even once blog about me being posted to my new school which might probably be my workplace for the next 3 years. Am i excited? A little. It is like when i'm back to the time where i'm still studying and am going to a new phase of my life. Can't help but kept wondering "What will the school be like?", "Will the people there like me?", "Can i adapt to it?"....

I'm like a little kid waiting for her first day of school with butterflies in my stomach. I hope i'll be able to make a good impression with my future students.

On a more positive note, I spent my last day of freedom (that's sounds like i'm going to jail..) with Daniel watching the movie "Star Wars". Poor guy, he stressed himself out again. He's been thinking too much. He was worried that he couldn't not meet the expectation of a JC teacher. Well, to be frank, i think he will be just fine. Daniel, if you are reading this, you just need more confidence. You will be a great teacher.

To the rest, i wish you guys all the best in your new school and don't forget all those enjoyable times that we'd shared in NIE!

Can't wait for thursday to come...

Your Birthdate: October 14

With a birthday on the 14th of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas, and you are also very good at organization and systematizing. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine, and rebel against it. You have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

What a wonderful day!

I hate IT woes! I have been trying to connect to the net for hours after I get back from Jitterbug. In the end, I still couldn’t get online and have to resort to typing my blog on a word document first! How irritating @#$%^&*

Apart from the stupid computer giving me problem, the whole day went very well. My NIE gang had arranged to wear pink top for our lindy hop classes (too bad Raymond and Jimmy never follow!) and it actually looked pretty nice to see all of us in pink! The best dress award however should go to Joel who provided us with so much laughter because he wore a very special pink top (refer to photo). I dun think I can remember another night where I have laughed so hard and so much. The last time that happened was years ago.

Our Lindy dance instructors, Jo and Marcus, are extremely nice people (although Marcus quite blur, always getting his step wrong but that’s kinda cute, plus he is so nice so he is forgiven) and today’s Lindy session is another funny one hour. First, Marcus kept forgetting the steps he wanna teach us and one of our classmates actually called out the steps for him! Then when he was dancing with some of us during the class, he danced the wrong steps again (I think his worst performance was when he was dancing with Yeingzz. Maybe he is too dazed by YY’s beauty!). The class ended with the girls stepping on the guy’s toes and lotsa laughter.

(Lindy 2 girls with Marcus and Jo)

After the lesson, it is Swing Fling as usual. Somehow i felt very drained today and didn't do much dancing (maybe i laughed too much and it zap my energy away!). So most of the time, i ended up sitting on the floor and watching people dancing which is an enjoyable thing to do when you are tired. Then it striked me that i should get the gang to take photo before we forget again. I suddenly felt kinda sad cos all of us graduating from NIE and it is like we have come to an end of our TT journey. I'm gonna miss the times where i attend lectures with them and all the jokes that we shared. Anyway, we were real crazy at the photo-taking session (The photo is the proof!).

First, we took a normal group photo..

(Group photo with Lindy people)

Then we decided to get cheeky and started to post more and more funny poses..

(Girls acting cute)

And the guys decided to join in as well...

(Guys acting cool)

There are lot more photo that we have taken but i have promised not to put it up. Anyway, I also dunoo what get into me and i'm soooooooooo crazy tonight!! But it was fun.

Ok, finally finished writing this long blog entry so it is time to hit the sack. I still have 9am lesson to attend tomorrow...

This is insane. For the past 3 weeks, i have either been at NIE or out with friends partying. I did not fulfill what i promised myself, that is to get plenty of rest and more time at home to recuperate. Tomorrow i have another early morning seminar to attend and i'm still blogging at this late hour. I'm tired all right but i just don't feel like sleeping.

I haven't been feeling like me for the past week. it is like i'm in some mild depression or something like that. Maybe that is why i have been playing so hard for i'm trying to shake away this feeling. But the more i try to get rid of it, the more it shows. What have i been doing for the past 3 weeks? Frankly, i dun think i can recall even if you ask. All i could remember is me telling myself and asking myself 'Why didn't i have more time for myself?'

I was trying on the clothes in my closet the other day and to my horror, i realised that 1/3 of them felt so tight on me (Oh my god!). I finally gathered up the courage to weigh myself and found that i have put on 4 kg! 4 freaking kilograms! Now i dun think people can still tell me that i have not grown fat. Either i'm super thin (which i dun think i'm) in the past or i've put on weight. This is the karma of all the ice-cream eating, snacking on chocolate and potato chips and late night supper! Dun even know why am i eating so much in the first place?? Stress? Depressed? Arrgh.. All i know now is i need to shed 4 kg of fats or i need more money to buy new clothes that can fit me.

The only interesting date i have for the past weeks is the one i had with Jz (Hey! I kept my promised not to reveal your real name) who filled me with thoeries on 'Why men stray?' and 'Why women always want more time with their men?'. It is real interesting that i asked him to have a blog on his own so that he can post all these interesting things for others to read. That fellow can actually tell me he cannot write well so he shall not (what rubbish @#$%^&*, my english is even worse and here i am..). Hey Jz! Are reading this during one of your 'shake legs' days or are you still stuck at Xiaxue blog?? Oh, before i forgot.. Jz like interesting girls (especially girls like xiaxue!). So any interesting girls out there? Please leave your contact numbers with me so that i can pass to the great Jz. Don't worry he is not some ugly gorilla nor will he eat you up! Hey Jz, am i good to you or what? I'm advertising for you on my blog! Maybe, you will soon get to spend the dough in your bank once again on some 'interesting girls'. Just don't forget to pay me the matchmaking fees.

I think i'm getting more and more cranky in my blog. That means it is time for me to get to bed.

Rumours

One of my friends' nick triggers me to want to write this blog. Is it true that as long as we surrounded by humans, we can never run away from gossips?

Months ago, there seemed to be a similar incident which cause a big hoo-ha among my friends. Now it seems to be dejay vu all over again except with different people involved. Frankly i have no interest in finding out more about it liao. I just want nothing to do with it. The previous incident had taught me a very valuable lesson.

I have been the victim of many ruthless rumours before too. It is very irritating and troubling all right. So now the best way to avoid it, is not to give it any attention. It will blow away sooner or later. If it doesn't, then just dun mix with the people who is saying it. The more attention you bestow them, the more the rumours will grow..

So to the people who are trouble by rumours, just take it in your own stride.

This and that..

i think blog is the new way to communicate.. At least that is the way between me and my friends (well, NIE friends i guess). Well, it is the latest fad now and everyone (almost everyone) has a blog. Even my students.

I have been letting go of myself lately. I have been eating like nobody business and look what it has done to my figure. Damn.. I desperately need to diet and i don't get the recognition with my NIE friends. Nobody likes to be fat even if it is slight. People may think that i do not need a diet for i'm slimmer than them but that does not mean i'm not fat! Confused? Don't be for you dun need to think about it.

Was chatting with a friend days ago. She mentioned that been together with the same group of friends can get too much. Does it? Seriousy i don't know. I have not been sticking together with the same group of friends for a very very long time. It is not that i like friend hopping but just that at different stage of your life, there will be different people. Plus, there are just some people who get pretty irritating after a while. They like to act as if the own you (what the?) and that totally pissed me off. I belong to myself and i don't act according to what people say. People may say i have attitude but so? At least i'm not a pet dog who only follow orders. I also hate people spreading rumours about me, intentionally or unintentionally. Trying to guess from my every movement if i'm going out with some guys from a date or from an action. That is so childish. Utterly. I also hate people who keep picking on me. Yes, it may be fun to tease me once in a while but always? That is plain idiotic. (How come this statement sounds familar? Oh.. Think i have wrote about it before..) I don't mind being the butt of the jokes sometimes but not all even if i look like those who can accept such stuffs. But it is not a matter of if i can accept but a matter of if it is irritating on the whole. You won't like a fly to bug you all day even if you dun mind it around do you?

Well, i should go and pack my bag for tmr liao.. Till then, see ya!

Recently i have been plagued by a weird sense of boredom. Nothing seems to interest me. I do not know it is because practicum had been too busy that after it, nothing seems to be able to entertain me. This kind of feeling sucks...

Well, at least from tomorrow onwards (and for the next 3 days) i'll be at the chalet with my NIE friends. I guess it will be a fun-filled 3 days (at least i hope ^^)

Qns: What do you do when you are bored?
Ans: Sleep!

At least that is what i have been doing for the past weekend. Can't believe i'd slept so much in a weekend. If not for the enrichment program in NIE today, i might have continued my beauty sleep. There are still so stuffs left to do.. Upload the picture to my blog site and send the pictures to my students. And of course, checking out details for the thailand trip. Did i hear someone asking me if i'm going again? Yes, i'm going there again. I know i went there last year but can't i go again for the sake of shopping?

The enrichment course is pretty boring. Especially when they annouced that we are getting our posting results this weekend (what?!), it is just horrifying. I just want more rest.. Sobz...

Feel so guilty now.. KJ is checking for the flights and accomodations for thailand and i'm just blogging over here.. Okies, maybe i shld help to check out too.. Till then, tata!